A strange view of the world from the desk of a traveler, photographer, recovering alcoholic, eternal student, heretic, and erstwhile historian.

I have finally finished all of the paperwork needed for my final 12 credits in school.  What a horrible and humiliating process this has been; to justify the work I have done in one school (far superior to the one I currently attend) to a bunch of pencil-pushing bean counters.  Just plain stupid.  If I didn’t know better I’d think I was the subject of discrimination!  We shall see.  I’m pretty sure they’ll find a way to fuck me in some fashion.

I have been invited to be a part of an arts community here which makes me enormously happy, but nervous.  They like my work and want me to be in with them.  This makes sense for some reason.  All of the other traditional paths set before me this summer have come up short: the wedding work–a dud–the work with the pro interior guy–fizzled from nothing.  So it seems like my HP is saying, “Get out there and do it yourself, and take the help when it is offered, but don’t count on it!”  So be it…

I have joined our house up with a local CSA in my little town.  This way we can get a box of assorted veggies every week for the next 13 weeks and be part of a community group at the same time.  I went last week and I was saddened to see that although many people have signed up for and take advantage of this great resource, there were no names on the list of real locals, except us.  The rest seemed to be folks who have transplanted themselves from the city or elsewhere.  This means that many townspeople are still shopping for produce at large supermarkets and buying truck veggies, instead of locally grown and seasonal stuff.  It all comes down to education, in my opinion, and choices.  Without knowledge one cannot make choices.  Knowledge is power.

I have to admit, though, that when I walked into their little store and met the man who is running the operation it made my choice easier…hot damn.  I could crawl over that thing for a few hours…Nice eyes too.  Apparently he’s already dating some other guy, though.  I can dream.

I qualified at my local gay AA group the other night and it felt really good and whole.  Very comfortable and they were able to get to know me a little bit better.  Some good responses.  It felt nice to be able to be ‘out’ in a way that I cannot at other AA groups in the area.  Still, the fellowship rocks and I am slowly getting out in the world.  I attended a dinner last night with some AA and non-AA friends.  the food was superb and I had a good time, but I was a little put off by some of the conversation.  Some of the guests had a lot in common, namely the Big City club scene from the late 1980s and early 1990s.  Not my thing-and I was busy working and practicing my drinking at that time, but I felt envious and left out of the conversation just the same.

OK.  I am off to do some shopping, hit the gym, and take some pictures along the way.  Tomorrow I take my mother to se ‘Oklahoma’ at the nearby Three Corners Art Center.  This will be fun for her-and me too, I hope.

Johnnyboy

Much has happened since I returned from San Antonio in July.   It has been a month since my last blog and the world still turns, I am still here and sober, etc…I’m feeling a bit snarky today,actually, like I want to correct everything everyone says.  Not a good feeling for me, and all too familiar.  My ‘Daily Reflections’ reading today was about the ‘design for living’ AA has given me.  I have a choice: I can go on living the design, which seems to be working out splendidly or skip it and be my old, willful, arrogant self which got me nowhere good.  I’ll stick with working the program.

I have registered for the big LGBT Round-Up in Provincetown in October. According to friends it is a blast and a half.  I grew up in Provincetown (my family owned a house there for 40 years) from 1966 until 2001, mostly in the summer.  My father was, and still is, a part of the arts community there and I a lot of people.  I have never experienced it sober however.  This will be fun.  The light in October is especially lovely–good for photography.

I have been tossing the idea around about getting a new sponsor and have finally decided against it.  Instead of thinking that I have ‘outgrown’ the current one, I have come to conclusion that it is best to be comfortable in an established relationship than to jump ship when I feel bored or even unsure.  He and I are meeting tomorrow for coffee so I’ll talk to him about it.  That and other things.  I am growing increasingly uncomfortable with sarcasm and ‘ball-busting’ at meetings.  I think it is immature and only highlights the individuals inability to feel at home. Like me feeling snarky, they are not wearing life like a loose garment.  OK.  Off to greet the world, do my chores and bask in the beauty of sober living, one-day-at-a-time.

I have been watching re-runs of “Queer As Folk” via Netflix.  I have been enjoying the soapy quality of the show, and although all the characters are sudsy stereotypes i find that I admire Emmet the most.  He is the most out, proud and strong character, with more self-esteem than all the others combined.  He is also the most feminine and flamboyant.  Interesting.

Johnnyboy

The AA World Convention in San Antonio was amazing.  I mean, really…How can it not be when close to 75,000 AAs descend like locusts on a small city in East Texas?  The weather was so-so.  Hot, humid, and rainy for most of the time but that did not stop us all from having a great time.  I bumped into some folks I knew from Europe as well as here in the US which is pretty incredible given the sheer numbers attending.

The gay and lesbian meetings were superb.  While some panel groups had 250 to 300 people in the room, the LGBT discussions were held in larger ballrooms that held, with standing room only, 1000 people, and they were packed.  Mind-blowing to say the least.  There was a lot of  discussion around Tradition 3, which was formed because a gay man wanted to be part of AA in the 1940s.  So it is because of this situation that all AAs can be a part of if they say so, not the group.

One of the closing speakers on Sunday in the Alamo Dome also remarked that when she got out of prison at the ripe age of 21 and went to her first outside meeting no one wanted to know why she went there or what she had done.  They were just happy to see her there.  Would it be that some groups around here acted like that.  Too many AAs in this neck of the woods are too concerned with the business of others.  Curiosity doesn’t explain it or apologize for the nosiness of these folks.  They can all meet at their own meetings, which they do, at noon in the village-by-the-lake, and gossip as much as they wish.  Me?  I’ll stay away from them and stick with the winners.

Johnnyboy

San Antonio awaits with open arms.  I leave today for my first AA world Convention.  I’ll arrive tonight around 9PM, CST.  My friend Jeanne Joy is already there, as are thousands of other AAs.  You’re never alone in the Lone Star State!  I’ll give an update when I return!

Johnnyboy

The AA World Convention is next weekend and I will be there! San Antonio here I come!  I am meeting my friend Jeanne from…well, she lives everywhere.  She’s a gypsy.   There is supposed to be around 50,000 people converging on San Antonio. It will be quite the time.

I am through with weddings.  I just don’t have it in me.   Too many drunk people and I don’t like the vibe.  I do have one commitment in the fall, but that will be a small and sober affair and I owe it to the bride to do the shoot.  She will do the post-production.

The Lesbian and Gay AA meeting is really nice.  I feel very safe there and even though there are quite a few folks who are not queer, it is obviously a safe place for them too.  Plus, it’s on a saturday night and it’s over by 7PM.  This means I can go to the speaker meeting up the road that needs support.

Mom’s doing well and I am really excited about the convention…WooHooo!

Johnnyboy

With the re-evaluation of my inner manliness, I have decided to add an LG AA meeting to my schedule.  This will replace a Saturday night meeting in my area that has gone down the tubes due to the influx of too many re-habbers. I went last night to one and it felt good–safe, and the topic was right on–Keeping it in the day, i.e. One day At A Time.

It is interesting that having come out ten years ago to my family and friends, two years before I got sober, that I am kind of doing it again, but not really, and without the drama.  Thank the gods.  Drama I do not need.

I also have actual work coming up this weekend.  I am the second camera at a wedding in the state next door, working for a friend who has the contract.  Fun, fun.  Plus I get paid.

I imagine that some of thought I had dropped off the planet.  No.  Just went to Greece, and for some reason WordPress wouldn’t let me log on for three months.  Oh well.  Here I am, better than ever, and in an emotional and spiritual  place that can only be described as solid.

Although not with out its pains and foibles, my time at school over the past three months has left me stronger and more focused.  I am finishing school and hope to graduate in September.  I am looking into post-grad programs around here and in Europe, since I hold dual citizenry there.  So far the US schools do not thrill me. the European schools do, however.

I’ll write more later, but I have to scoot off to a 9AM 11th Step meeting down the road from me, here in Somewheresville.

It’s good to be back…

Johnnyboy

I have discovered that if I really work the 12 Steps and frame my life within their guidance, I am much more serene, happy and successful at living than if I were to disregard them or take them granted.  It is all about my spiritual program and acting, not thinking, soberly.

My mother is very excited about my upcoming trip to Greece.  She keeps on reminding me that “your grandmother would be so proud of you” and that she is proud of me as well.  I have been able to help her these past years and still do today.  She is in much better shape than she was last year,mostly due to the introduction of the O2.  She will do fine during my absence.

My cat, on the other hand, is not so well.  She is losing her back teeth.  She has gingivitis.  This has been addressed by the vet but their response is that although we can care for our pet’s teeth, some breeds of cat have bad teeth to begin with. Poor Sweetie Pie.  Other than that she is the sweetheart with a temper that she has always been.

Off to Greece in 5 days!

Johnnyboy

Today’s my birthday.  I am 45.  I feel like I am 20-something.

Johnnyboy

The first thing is that too many people use them.  It builds up false relationships that contain no substance.  Then, of course, there is their viral quality.  It’s like a nasty worm threading its way through your system.  It also another way for people to make contact without really making contact.  Bullshit.  They all suck.

Just try to get removed from one of them, then you’ll see how insidious they really are.

Two weeks and I’ll be in Greece, I hope.

Johnnyboy

PS–I was able to remove myself from the Site of Satan.  Finally.  It was like looking for a needle in a haystack…I found it, not through the site, but via a Google search.   Makes me think they do not want us to leave…