I have neglected this part of my life recently but due to a heads up from an AA friend in the UK (Cherrio Denise!), I have decided to update this dusty old blog. So much has been going on that I don’t really know where to start, so I’ll deal with school and AA first, because they seem to have become intertwined.
During my most recent 9th Step endeavors, I realised that there was nothing to be afraid of when it came to my life. True, some things may give me butterflies, or I may not want to follow through with the process, but I know that the fear is only smoke and mirrors (like US politics) and that walking through is only a matter of one foot in front of the other. This in mind, I have decided that a goal I can acheive is, once my B.A. is complete, to work towards my M.S.W. (Masters of Social Work) and go into the rehab field. To paraphrase a middle-eastern carpenter of yore “There will always be drunks and addicts”. So, that is a good goal. Next came the stunning realization that one of my classes, American Sign Language, which I am taking purely for the foreign language credit, is fascinating and quite fun, in a hard-work-is-rewarding kind of way. Finally the obviousness of the situation hit me–How cool would it be to have an M.S.W. and fluency in ASL? That sounds like a great combination. So I have added that onto the goal strategy. My therapist told me that I can pretty much write my own ticket with that mix.
My own physical health is a worry these days, however. Last week I discovered that one of the moles on my back (I have several, which have ben there since I was a child) had changed. It hadn’t spread, which is good. It had, disturbingly, “puffed up” slightly, and developed a crusty, wart-like, texture on the top, causing me to immediately panic. I checked some websites, which I will now stay away from, and none described my particular situation but the crusty, wartish thing did warrant a ‘go to the doctor ASAP’ warning from the Mayo clinic site and others. So that’s what I’ll do. I have an appointment on Wednesday, and so far, my sober sister in Boston has told me about her mole adventure a few years ago, and how, as middle-aged folks, we need to watch those kind of blemishes. I’ll pretend I’m reading the Hitchhiker’s Guide, and not panic! I’m not dying, and I am most likely not sick, but if that’s what HP has in store from me, I’ll deal with that when it comes.
I have started playing music again, and recently played an open-mike at a nearby coffeehouse. The small crowd was enthused to hear a few songs from me and liked my work a great deal. I don’t play covers (other people’s tunes) so I am always concerned with what folks think, but AA has taught me not to worry so much about the audience, so to speak. Today I play for myself, not to please a group of people. I heard once that to play in order to make the crowd happy is an ego-tripping, downward spiral. I agree. I’ll play another open-mike in November, after I come home from the Spainish AA Convention, have written some new songs, and have put the cancer scare behind me.
It’s a grey and drizzly day outside, but the temperature is starngely warm, around 70* F. I can hear some person down the road shooting his shotgun, sighting up for deer season, just around the corner. Pretty soon the woods will become a shooting gallery for the deer and turkeys. Another fall has arrived.
Johnnyboy
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