Entries Tagged 'Adult education' ↓

I have discovered that if I really work the 12 Steps and frame my life within their guidance, I am much more serene, happy and successful at living than if I were to disregard them or take them granted.  It is all about my spiritual program and acting, not thinking, soberly.

My mother is very excited about my upcoming trip to Greece.  She keeps on reminding me that “your grandmother would be so proud of you” and that she is proud of me as well.  I have been able to help her these past years and still do today.  She is in much better shape than she was last year,mostly due to the introduction of the O2.  She will do fine during my absence.

My cat, on the other hand, is not so well.  She is losing her back teeth.  She has gingivitis.  This has been addressed by the vet but their response is that although we can care for our pet’s teeth, some breeds of cat have bad teeth to begin with. Poor Sweetie Pie.  Other than that she is the sweetheart with a temper that she has always been.

Off to Greece in 5 days!

Johnnyboy

It’s pouring rain outside and windy.  The temperature is around 50 degrees.  It’s January.  In two days the weatherman says the temp is supposed to drop to a high of 25.  Back to winter we go.

I am off to Greece in 36 days.  I ran through a test-pack of my carry-on camera/shoulder bag and it’s not too heavy, plus everything is well distributed.  I am bringing two film rangefinders (my Voigtlander R4M and the old Canon QL17 GIII) and my small Canon Digital Rebel XT with a 28-135mm lens and a 50mm.  The school said that it is not necessary to bring a digital camera, but if you are comfortable with a specific one, to do that.  The other option is that I bring the Beast (Canon 50D) and its lenses.  That would increase my weight considerably, so I am leaving the Beast behind.

Mom is doing very well, but is nervous about my leaving.  I am nervous as well.  I am moving into a new realm of travel and having to turn a lot over to HP while I am gone.  It is good practice for me since I should be doing that every day anyway.

My significant relationship is going well, as far as I can tell.  I like it the way it is, but I am unsure about her.  I think she wants marriage and children and that is not in the cards for me.  Today I will ask her about these things.  It is better to know than to try to be a mind-reader.

More will be revealed!

Johnnyboy

In 57 days I head back to Greece for the spring semester.  I will be there until June 1oth and then return for a lovely summer.  I have some work lined up for the summer and early fall, so I’ll be happy to do that.  I will be assisting a photographer friend with some weddings and then shooting her wedding in September.

I am taking two bags with me, as usual.  My backpack, with most of my clothes, incidentals, toilet kit, etc…and my large Domke camera bag, which will hold two cameras (film and digital), three lenses, battery chargers, batteries, paperwork for travel, and a few odds-and-ends.  The film I will buy in Greece.  I can stash it in the over-head bin.  It’s not huge, but bigger than the Timbuk2 messenger bag which I will also bring– stowed in my backpack.  It is still the best “walking around” bag I have found.

I am having issues these days regarding home care, it seems.  All the women are doing great, but I am having a tough time.  Mom has aged a great deal since last spring, and even though her mind is better and the O2 has improved her life, I want to make sure that she is in the best hands when I leave.  So I am over-micromanaging and hovering.  This is not good behavior, I know, but I cannot help it.  One of the women, at least, bugs the crap out of me and, although she and mom get along and she is a gentle, kind soul, she can’t figure out that this is a job and she needs to treat it like one.  This is not an experiment in social living or communal dynamics.  It’s our home, I’m her employer, and if she can’t deal with it, she’s gone.

I am dating lovely woman from California who is also in recovery.  We are very relaxed, there is little or no baggage, and it is fun.  That’s all you get to hear about her.  She is not blog fodder.

When I return from Greece I will have to write three short papers and submit them to my school so I can get credit for the three courses I will take in Greece.  This is a humiliating and backwards process and reminds me that I am happy that perhaps I can say ‘goodbye’ to SUNY Empire State College this summer.  Although it has improved my life, the bureaucratic bean-counters deserve little or no thanks for sitting on their rapidly widening asses and pushing virtual paperwork.  Once I receive my diploma, then I will write a letter to the ESC president and complain.

Drama, drama…

Johnnyboy

Last year after the Greek AA Convention I went to the small island of Paros with an AA friend to visit her former home and alma mater, the Aegean Center for the Fine Arts.  I was impressed with the small competitive school and set my next goal on applying, being accepted and attending the school to finish my BA.  I went through the process, which I think I have written about already.  I was informed last week that I have been accepted!  This was a shock, because I didn’t think I would be notified until December.  I am excited, nervous and very much looking forward to being there.  My semester begins March 8, 2010 and ends on June 7th.  I will be taking three classes (12 credits) which will finish my BA from SUNY Empire State College.  What a great way to cap off my 5-year academic odyssey.  All of this is a direct result of my finding sobriety and grabbing hold with all the desperation of a drowning man.

My mother’s health is very good these days and we are both looking forward to seeing my sister and her husband over the Thanksgiving week.  They are coming to visit and will be here for a few days.  It will be a quiet few days and, I hope, restful for our guests.

I have been participating in a commitment with a nearby Men’s AA Group.  Twice a month we bring a meeting into the very same jail I spent 19 months in between winter 2003 and fall 2004.  I was nervous at first, but truly feel that I am able to leave, any of the ghosts behind me every time I lave the facility.  Next week we go back in on the night before Thanksgiving.  Having been there, perhaps I can deliver the message that these guys never have to spend another family holiday in jail again, if they choose.  What a wonderful sense of forgiveness I have found in this action, this 12 Step work and this program of recovery.  I have been granted a new life in sobriety, one that I could not have imagined had I stayed drinking and playing at being God.

Johnnyboy

I have finished and handed in the final draft of my thesis on Yugoslavia in the 20th century.  This has been a huge endeavor and represents 5 years of study, research and travel.  It is done.  I felt good, at the end, in making some bold presumptions concerning the future of SE Europe, and that was it.  Now there is a space in my life…What’s next?  I still have to write some personal words about my goals for photography for the b/w darkroom course I am engaged in and finish the small portfolio I have started.  I can do the lab work next week and write the paper today.  Then I will have finished the semester, take the fall off, and cross my fingers over the spring semester in Greece.  I have begun thinking that even if I do not get in to the school, that I will go anyway for the time and visit the southern Mediterranean during the off season, finishing up my trip with the Greek convention.  In many ways I need a break from the former Yugoslavia and Greece and Turkey might be the ticket.

The date did not happen. I asked and she said ‘no’, but nicely.  The experience put me in an emotional tailspin that landed me on my pity-pot for a few hours.  I lost all gratitude for the above experiences as well as the whole of the past 7 years of sobriety.  I eventually snapped out of it and let it go.

Mom has bursitis in her hip. She also thinks she has been driving her car for the whole year-and-a-half she has been in bed, in the hospital, or whatever.  What a shocker for her.  ”Bullshit”, she said.  ”I can drive…I still have my licence.” “Sorry, but you cannot.”  I guess we should all be thankful that she can fight back, but that’s all he can do.  She cannot win.  She’ll wreck the car if she gets behind the wheel.  Time to keep an eye out.  She might try to make a break for it…

Johnnyboy

My paper on Yugoslavia is done.  I have handed in the final ‘first draft’ but there isn’t much to correct, in my opinion.  The bibliography will be adjusted and tacked on, but what should I call it the paper?

I have been doing a lot of old-time AA service these days: driving guys around to meetings and so forth.  there has been one kid that I have been driving to meetings.  He is, in my opinion, a real mess.  He is on 15 different medications for bi-polar, addiction, etc…and I am not sure if I would call him sober of not since one of them is a med that keeps the urge to use heroin at bay.  That’s chemically induced clean-time.  I’m glad he’s not my sponsee.  If he ever asked, I would have to say ‘No.’

Mom is doing well and her mood and memory seem to be leveling out in a good and happy space.

I have asked a woman from a nearby AA group out on a date…yet again.  This will be the third (?) attempt at dating and it is pretty low-key.  She lives in the Big City most of the week and I have asked her to be my date at a photography opening in early November.  Nothing serious, just the show, then maybe a quick bite and then I have to head back home on the train.  I am not even considering sex…well, I suppose I am, but that’s normal.  I am not expecting it, that’s for sure.

I have registered for the 2010 International AA Convention being held in San Antonio, Texas.  It will be a big deal, with about 80,000 people in attendance.  AA holds it every 5 years.  How fun!  I am thinking of driving the 4000+ mile round-trip journey, but that is far away from now.

Johnnyboy

As former GSR of my AA homegroup I am still on the mailing list.  This means that I have received the applications for the 2010 International Convention being held in San Antonio, Texas next July.  I am going, and have only to mail my registration and book my room.  I’ll do that today.

I brought the applications to the meeting last night and made the announcement, held up the flyers, etc…Then I saw that the registration applications went into the chairperson’s notebook, which means they will never be seen again.  This makes me sick, and opens my eyes again to the apathy that surrounds me in this program.  This group is full of people with long-term sobriety who do nothing outside of coming to one meeting a week (maybe two) and leaving it at that.  How sad.  They have lost the gift of desperation and in doing so dampen the exciting fire of sobriety that I felt when I came into the rooms, and still feel at certain meetings.  They no little or nothing of the 12 Traditions (which are not suggestions, like the Steps), and to top it off, I found out last week at a business meeting that the current treasurer (15 years sober) had no idea what a prudent reserve was.  Once again, puking time is upon me.

In any case, their sobriety is not my own, and they can do what they want, but they give the impression that it is OK to just go to meetings and so forth.  They take it all for granted.  Blah, blah, blah…listen to me go.

Good news is all around me…Mom is doing much better (reading, with it, etc…) and the world still spins on its wobbly axis despite my disappointment with a bunch of whinging old ladies.  I am going to finish my thesis and photo class by the end of next week and move along in life.  This, I declare, is my goal today.

Johnnyboy

I have all but finished this current semester.  I have a project due for a class in dramatics which will round out the whole thing nicely.  I am directing the first scene from the Sam Shepard play ‘True West’.   I have my work assigned for the summer session during which I will write my senior capstone thesis on unification in the former Yugoslavia and be done  with that.  So far so good.

I am still waiting on the results of my CBE work for my previous career and as they have made me jump through many flaming hoops of fiery shit, I have a feeling I will get nothing for my labors.  For Christ’s sake…16 credits?  It’s not like I’m asking for a degree or anything…

I leave for the Balkans on April 27th..23 days from now I’ll be sitting in an airport waiting to fly to Vienna.  I’ll attend the AA convention in Zagreb, head to Belgrade to hang with friends for a spell, and then off to the AA convention in Greece.  This will be my fifth Greek convention and my third in Croatia.  I am hoping for nice weather.  During this time I will also be conducting interviews with Balkan locals in Serbia, Croatia and Bosnia about there lives during the Tito years.  There is nothing like field work to pump up the old thesis!

Mom is doing well and we are trying to getb her outside once in a while for some excersize now that the snow has gone away.  The current raininess doesn’t help, but there are sunny spots in our lives here in Somewheresville.

I’ll try to be more bloggish in the future, but to be honest I have another blog that is not so anonymous that I have focusing on these days. I’d show it to you but…

Johnnyboy

I spent last weekend in Portland, Maine for the NERAASA Convention.  For those who do not know, it is the Northeast Regional AA Service Assembly.  This is a working weekend about service.  By service I do not mean coffee makers or chairing meetings.  The service I am talking about is the type that gets literature to the outside world so parole officers, nurses, doctors, judges, clergy, and treatment centers know what AA is and, more important, what it is not.  It is a convention of GSRs, DCMs, Area Delegates, Trustees, and so forth.  These are the 15% who do all the work.  It is because of us that AA groups (as opposed to ‘meetings’) have a say in the affairs of AA worldwide.  What’s the difference between a meeting and group?  A group has a ‘group number’, a vote in the governing structure, and a firm connection to the program.  A meeting does not.  It is easy to become a group.  Go to the next District meeting and sign up.  Then you hold a business meeting, elect officers for the group, and proceed in the bigger world of service to the alcoholic who still suffers.

It was a great weekend and I learned a lot about the program of AA and myself.

School is moving along and I have a lot of work to do this week.  I still have to finish that damn Digital Art and Design course from last semester before April 10th…

Mom is doing brilliantly.  It seems as if the Synthroid is working very well.   Her under-active thyroid was dragging her down.  Now she has more energy during the day and all that.  I can breathe a little easier.

That’s about it for now…

Johnnyboy

Life goes on here in Somewheresville. Nothing gained, nothing lost. I have been working diligently on my Senior Thesis–writing, re-writing, submitting, re-writing again…etc…This could go on forever, except that eventually my faculty mentor will tell me it’s done.

I am also reading ‘Death of a Salesman’ by Arthur Miller for my “From Page to Stage’ course.  This is an interesting class, with a diverse group of adult students.  Some of us have had theater experience and know things about art, etc…the rest are not as knowledgeable but bring a certain naive charm to the room.  One student (the youngest at 22) is very morose and has a ‘been there/done that’ attitude, which is fun to look at, seeing as I used to act that way, and still can on occasion.  In any case, lots of reading to do for me.

I have added two more photography links on the blogroll.  One is for my dear friend Stephanie, who is a wonderful photographer and the other is another dear friend, Barbara, who is also pretty fabulous.

I am still working on my resentment towards my sister.  Although my amends have been made, our relationship, or lack thereof, still irks me.  There is a small child-like part of me that wants her praise and love, and I am not going to get it no matter what, at least not today.  I go for months without a thought about it and then, like a frost heave on a winter road, a small bump appears and grows.  As it subsides I repair the internal psychic damage the best I can, but as soon as the weather shifts, there it is again.  It is becoming a drag more than anything.  A real nuisance.  I have an appointment this evening with my sponsor before my weekly Step meeting  and we will hash this out some more.  I really don’t like feeling this way about someone I should love.

My friend and I will be going over to a nearby place tomorrow morning to take pictures of pro/am ski jumping, as in the long-distance Nordic style, not freestyle.  He is hoping to get a lot of great images so he can post them on his new website.  He told me the other day that taking pictures of sports is similar to taking pictures in combat, except it is much safer and, for the most part, people are having fun.

Johnnyboy