I have been invited to be a part of an arts community here which makes me enormously happy, but nervous.  They like my work and want me to be in with them.  This makes sense for some reason.  All of the other traditional paths set before me this summer have come up short: the wedding work–a dud–the work with the pro interior guy–fizzled from nothing.  So it seems like my HP is saying, “Get out there and do it yourself, and take the help when it is offered, but don’t count on it!”  So be it…

I have joined our house up with a local CSA in my little town.  This way we can get a box of assorted veggies every week for the next 13 weeks and be part of a community group at the same time.  I went last week and I was saddened to see that although many people have signed up for and take advantage of this great resource, there were no names on the list of real locals, except us.  The rest seemed to be folks who have transplanted themselves from the city or elsewhere.  This means that many townspeople are still shopping for produce at large supermarkets and buying truck veggies, instead of locally grown and seasonal stuff.  It all comes down to education, in my opinion, and choices.  Without knowledge one cannot make choices.  Knowledge is power.

I have to admit, though, that when I walked into their little store and met the man who is running the operation it made my choice easier…hot damn.  I could crawl over that thing for a few hours…Nice eyes too.  Apparently he’s already dating some other guy, though.  I can dream.

I qualified at my local gay AA group the other night and it felt really good and whole.  Very comfortable and they were able to get to know me a little bit better.  Some good responses.  It felt nice to be able to be ‘out’ in a way that I cannot at other AA groups in the area.  Still, the fellowship rocks and I am slowly getting out in the world.  I attended a dinner last night with some AA and non-AA friends.  the food was superb and I had a good time, but I was a little put off by some of the conversation.  Some of the guests had a lot in common, namely the Big City club scene from the late 1980s and early 1990s.  Not my thing-and I was busy working and practicing my drinking at that time, but I felt envious and left out of the conversation just the same.

OK.  I am off to do some shopping, hit the gym, and take some pictures along the way.  Tomorrow I take my mother to se ‘Oklahoma’ at the nearby Three Corners Art Center.  This will be fun for her-and me too, I hope.

Johnnyboy

I have registered for the big LGBT Round-Up in Provincetown in October. According to friends it is a blast and a half.  I grew up in Provincetown (my family owned a house there for 40 years) from 1966 until 2001, mostly in the summer.  My father was, and still is, a part of the arts community there and I a lot of people.  I have never experienced it sober however.  This will be fun.  The light in October is especially lovely–good for photography.

I have been tossing the idea around about getting a new sponsor and have finally decided against it.  Instead of thinking that I have ‘outgrown’ the current one, I have come to conclusion that it is best to be comfortable in an established relationship than to jump ship when I feel bored or even unsure.  He and I are meeting tomorrow for coffee so I’ll talk to him about it.  That and other things.  I am growing increasingly uncomfortable with sarcasm and ‘ball-busting’ at meetings.  I think it is immature and only highlights the individuals inability to feel at home. Like me feeling snarky, they are not wearing life like a loose garment.  OK.  Off to greet the world, do my chores and bask in the beauty of sober living, one-day-at-a-time.

I have been watching re-runs of “Queer As Folk” via Netflix.  I have been enjoying the soapy quality of the show, and although all the characters are sudsy stereotypes i find that I admire Emmet the most.  He is the most out, proud and strong character, with more self-esteem than all the others combined.  He is also the most feminine and flamboyant.  Interesting.

Johnnyboy

The gay and lesbian meetings were superb.  While some panel groups had 250 to 300 people in the room, the LGBT discussions were held in larger ballrooms that held, with standing room only, 1000 people, and they were packed.  Mind-blowing to say the least.  There was a lot of  discussion around Tradition 3, which was formed because a gay man wanted to be part of AA in the 1940s.  So it is because of this situation that all AAs can be a part of if they say so, not the group.

One of the closing speakers on Sunday in the Alamo Dome also remarked that when she got out of prison at the ripe age of 21 and went to her first outside meeting no one wanted to know why she went there or what she had done.  They were just happy to see her there.  Would it be that some groups around here acted like that.  Too many AAs in this neck of the woods are too concerned with the business of others.  Curiosity doesn’t explain it or apologize for the nosiness of these folks.  They can all meet at their own meetings, which they do, at noon in the village-by-the-lake, and gossip as much as they wish.  Me?  I’ll stay away from them and stick with the winners.

Johnnyboy

Johnnyboy

I am through with weddings.  I just don’t have it in me.   Too many drunk people and I don’t like the vibe.  I do have one commitment in the fall, but that will be a small and sober affair and I owe it to the bride to do the shoot.  She will do the post-production.

The Lesbian and Gay AA meeting is really nice.  I feel very safe there and even though there are quite a few folks who are not queer, it is obviously a safe place for them too.  Plus, it’s on a saturday night and it’s over by 7PM.  This means I can go to the speaker meeting up the road that needs support.

Mom’s doing well and I am really excited about the convention…WooHooo!

Johnnyboy

My mother is very excited about my upcoming trip to Greece.  She keeps on reminding me that “your grandmother would be so proud of you” and that she is proud of me as well.  I have been able to help her these past years and still do today.  She is in much better shape than she was last year,mostly due to the introduction of the O2.  She will do fine during my absence.

My cat, on the other hand, is not so well.  She is losing her back teeth.  She has gingivitis.  This has been addressed by the vet but their response is that although we can care for our pet’s teeth, some breeds of cat have bad teeth to begin with. Poor Sweetie Pie.  Other than that she is the sweetheart with a temper that she has always been.

Off to Greece in 5 days!

Johnnyboy

I am off to Greece in 36 days.  I ran through a test-pack of my carry-on camera/shoulder bag and it’s not too heavy, plus everything is well distributed.  I am bringing two film rangefinders (my Voigtlander R4M and the old Canon QL17 GIII) and my small Canon Digital Rebel XT with a 28-135mm lens and a 50mm.  The school said that it is not necessary to bring a digital camera, but if you are comfortable with a specific one, to do that.  The other option is that I bring the Beast (Canon 50D) and its lenses.  That would increase my weight considerably, so I am leaving the Beast behind.

Mom is doing very well, but is nervous about my leaving.  I am nervous as well.  I am moving into a new realm of travel and having to turn a lot over to HP while I am gone.  It is good practice for me since I should be doing that every day anyway.

My significant relationship is going well, as far as I can tell.  I like it the way it is, but I am unsure about her.  I think she wants marriage and children and that is not in the cards for me.  Today I will ask her about these things.  It is better to know than to try to be a mind-reader.

More will be revealed!

Johnnyboy

I am taking two bags with me, as usual.  My backpack, with most of my clothes, incidentals, toilet kit, etc…and my large Domke camera bag, which will hold two cameras (film and digital), three lenses, battery chargers, batteries, paperwork for travel, and a few odds-and-ends.  The film I will buy in Greece.  I can stash it in the over-head bin.  It’s not huge, but bigger than the Timbuk2 messenger bag which I will also bring– stowed in my backpack.  It is still the best “walking around” bag I have found.

I am having issues these days regarding home care, it seems.  All the women are doing great, but I am having a tough time.  Mom has aged a great deal since last spring, and even though her mind is better and the O2 has improved her life, I want to make sure that she is in the best hands when I leave.  So I am over-micromanaging and hovering.  This is not good behavior, I know, but I cannot help it.  One of the women, at least, bugs the crap out of me and, although she and mom get along and she is a gentle, kind soul, she can’t figure out that this is a job and she needs to treat it like one.  This is not an experiment in social living or communal dynamics.  It’s our home, I’m her employer, and if she can’t deal with it, she’s gone.

I am dating lovely woman from California who is also in recovery.  We are very relaxed, there is little or no baggage, and it is fun.  That’s all you get to hear about her.  She is not blog fodder.

When I return from Greece I will have to write three short papers and submit them to my school so I can get credit for the three courses I will take in Greece.  This is a humiliating and backwards process and reminds me that I am happy that perhaps I can say ‘goodbye’ to SUNY Empire State College this summer.  Although it has improved my life, the bureaucratic bean-counters deserve little or no thanks for sitting on their rapidly widening asses and pushing virtual paperwork.  Once I receive my diploma, then I will write a letter to the ESC president and complain.

Drama, drama…

Johnnyboy

My mother’s health is very good these days and we are both looking forward to seeing my sister and her husband over the Thanksgiving week.  They are coming to visit and will be here for a few days.  It will be a quiet few days and, I hope, restful for our guests.

I have been participating in a commitment with a nearby Men’s AA Group.  Twice a month we bring a meeting into the very same jail I spent 19 months in between winter 2003 and fall 2004.  I was nervous at first, but truly feel that I am able to leave, any of the ghosts behind me every time I lave the facility.  Next week we go back in on the night before Thanksgiving.  Having been there, perhaps I can deliver the message that these guys never have to spend another family holiday in jail again, if they choose.  What a wonderful sense of forgiveness I have found in this action, this 12 Step work and this program of recovery.  I have been granted a new life in sobriety, one that I could not have imagined had I stayed drinking and playing at being God.

Johnnyboy

I think she should start hanging around with more women and not me.  There are many other things I could say, but that would be judgmental.  I am sure that I have gone through the same growing pains as she has.

Johnnyboy