Entries Tagged 'Uncategorized' ↓

David Foster Wallace took his own life last week. It has taken this long for me to respond. My first year sober was spent reading his seminal novel ‘Infinite Jest’ in my little room, all 1079 pages, including footnotes. It helped me while away the time, made me laugh, question reality, and made me jealous that someone could write a book that long and that crazy. Here’s a random quote, from page 579, of the Little-Brown soft cover published in 1996…

“Something touching about a gift that a toddler’s so awfully overwrapped makes a sickly-pale and neurasthenic but doting Mrs. Green, Bruce’s beloved Mama, choose the mugged-dachshund-foil-sheen-cylinder present first, of course, to open, on Xmas morning, as they sit before the crackling fireplace in different chairs by different windows with views of Waltham sleet, with bowls of Xmas snacks and Acme-’N-logoed mugs of cocoa and hazelnut decaf and watch each other taking turns opening gifts.”

Joyce, Kerouac, and others pale in comparison.

I had a lovely conversation with my sister this morning and felt better about all these life situations than I have for a long time. Something about the final line in the promises that says “God is doing for us what we cannot do for ourselves.” That fills me with hope. My qualifying went very well also…A good, but small group of grateful alcoholics. My sponsee even made it. What a guy.

So how about that extremely dangerous idiotic pair of McCain and Palin? If they get their way we will all soon be living in an irrational, nationalistic, medieval society. Then will come the witch hunts, the public burnings, and our nation will soon live in the bonfire of global shame. How can someone like this ignorant harpie get to this position?

Only in America, ladies and gents, only in America…

Johnnyboy

My mother’s needs outweigh my own, and that can sometimes be a bad thing. I do take care of myself, in many ways, but trying to explain to her why she needs assistance from people other than me is beginning to bother me and weigh me down. The question of why she cannot drive anymore is heartbreaking. How can I keep this up?

I have two other siblings who love and care for her as well, but so far I am still the one with the emotional football. It would be great if one of them did some of the work around here.

I am off to a meeting tonight in a nearby town. I have volunteered as the speaker. I guess that’s what life really is…A series of moments when we are either chosen or we volunteer. More than likely the latter.

Johnnyboy

Here are a couple of recent projects from the CS3 class
that I am taking on-line. The first is a basic picture clean-up job. I used an old photograph of my Great-great-great Grandfather McCulloch.
The second is a poster
I just finished as an
example of layout and
design. I used too many
images, but since I can lock and unlock at will, I can always change it…

Johnnyboy

So school is going well. I have been reading alot lately and have begun my first of six papers on the Cold War. It’s pretty heavy political reading, but I thoroughly enjoy it.

I have also been working on my on-line course in Digital Art and Design. It is a new experience for me, this on-line format, and I find it OK, but not the best way for me to learn. In the long run I could, if I felt inclined, do the entire course in a couple of weeks and then just hand in the work when I am supposed to do so, but I feel that it is enough just to be a week ahead of the curve. CS3 is fun, and not too hard, at least at this level. As the semester progresses, it will become more difficult.

There are two excellent photography exhibits opening in the Big City soon…One is of the artist William Eggleston and the other is the photographer Josef Koudelka. I’m hoping to see both. In their separate ways they both exemplify the image of humanity and the normalcy that makes up the species. Sometimes it is horrible, sometimes beautiful, mostly it can be seen as an everyday occurrence–living.

Mom is doing well. She is tired a lot, but her doctor reminds us of her age and her other issues and her weariness is justified. She is downstairs right now, with a very nice caregiver, while I am here, typing away with a clear conscience.

I have been flamed by some religious loony again. It makes me thankful for the moderation option on this site. I can read the idiocy and the hatred and then dump the whole thing in the trash. And I thought I had too much time on my hands! I wonder what these folks do in their off-time…? It is safe to say that they are irrational medievalists and ripe for the nationalist flag wavers to come along and turn them into the kind of jack-booted street trash that have dominated so many totalitarian regimes.

Watch out America, it could happen here!

Johnnyboy

So I decided to upgrade my PC Doc software tonight.

After paying for a new subscription, I activated the stuff. I then spent the next hour trying to get the damn thing to work with my system. In the end I was able to go into Add/Remove and dump the thing completely. Previous to that movies would not play, McAfee would not load, I could not access my Start menu, etc…

Now it is running just fine. I doubt I can get my $39 back…

Johnnyboy

The cicadas are buzzing easily in the green leaves outside my office window. The Little Blue Heron that has decided to call my pond home has been awake for a few hours now, it’s breakfast complete with frogs, tadpoles, insects; mine with juice, vitamins, coffee, and toast as I watched her walk slowly on stick legs…It is sunny today, and is supposed to be quite hot, in the 80s, but the nights are deliciously cool, ideal for sleeping. This is a steady weather pattern for the next few days, and summer is turning a corner, bending the morning light as it moves from view. Sunbeams now stream through my eastern windows, waking me unlike my now unused alarm clock.

School officially begins on the 8th. I cannot access my on-line art course until tomorrow, but that’s alright. I have begun some reading for my ‘Commie’ class. but I want to finish two books this week and begin some others. Then it is paper writing time…My first telephone lecture/discussion is on the 18th, but I would like to have one paper all but finished by then.

I have discovered that a good friend of mine used to be the staff photographer for a local weekly and still has all the darkroom equipment. All that is missing is the room itself and the chemicals. Chemicals I can get, it’s the space that seems to be a tough nut to crack. So anyone with any ideas, short of setting up in my bathroom, please share…

It’s Sunday, the day before Labor Day. I feel distracted and odd. Maybe I should get out of the house and go take pictures…Just drive. I’m allowed to do that.

Johnnyboy

My mind is ticking along tonight so I have been tossing and turning in bed for about an hour. Blogging will help, I hope. At least I will have updated some things. Then I’ll try sleep once more.

It has been advised that I receive 16 credits for my past career instead of 12, which is great. I hope they grant my wish. That means after this next semester I will only need 20 credits to graduate!

This is how I plan to spend my final three semesters…

8 credits consist of a capstone Senior Thesis on history, probably Balkan in nature. The other 12 (three classes) will probably be artistic in nature, specifically photographic, and all involving a darkroom. I will have to cross-register at Hudson Valley Community College but it will allow me to take B/W Photography I and II and Color Photography and developing. This goes a long way in giving me enough undergraduate credits to fulfill requirements for an MFA program; where, I do not know, but probably within the SUNY system.

Mom is doing well. The Caregiving Women are saving my life, and my sanity. I was able to go to a wonderful presentation of Dylan Thomas’ ‘Under Milkwood’ last night that blew me a way. I didn’t worry once about how she was or what was going on at home.

I went back to a meeting tonight that I had not attended for about 4 months. It is a Big Book study in nearby Cataractburg, one that I have always enjoyed and benefited from. Unfortunately, aside from one or two old faces, the attendees were all new and somewhat dim in thought. It is a good lesson for me in remembering what I can bring to the meeting instead of what I take. I hope I helped others. Anyway, someone asked me to be his temporary sponsor. He’s a nice guy who has had trouble staying away from the substances that baffle and bedevil him. So guess it was a good idea to go.

Tomorrow I am driving another fellow to his out-patient alcohol program twenty minutes away, waiting for him for two hours, and then driving back. I’ll bring my camera and a book and get some work done. I’m shooting on 35mm film these days, so it will be a nice change.

I’ll try to update more often.

Johnnyboy

Sorry about the long absence cats and kittens. Forgive me. So much has been happening, but really nothing different than the last post…The big difference is in me.

In many ways I am freer than I have ever been. The Caregiving Women who are looking after my mom have given some ultimatums. The first is that I “get a life”. They are good friends, and I know what they mean.

Until last March I have been looking after my mother, watching her slow decline, and thinking only of her, for the most part. With their arrival last spring came the ‘Freeing of Johnnyboy’. The best way to describe it is that when I leave the house for any reason (gym, meetings, The Big City, etc…) I do not have the thought in my head that I must get home to save the day. What a relief!

I have gone to the movies with a very pretty young woman; today I spent the day in The Big City with friends doing photography stuff; and tomorrow night I am going to see “Under Milkwood” at a nearby summer theater with another friend. I even sleep better, not having to be ‘on point’ like I used to be. Yesterday I went to an acupuncturist (accupuncturer?) for a session of intense body and energy work.

What will tomorrow bring?

For my photographic friends like Fred here is a cool link that may help you with many of your more retro photography needs…The Frugal Photographer

Johnnyboy

Now that I have been hone for about a week I have decided to give a run-down of the past day’s events.

My jet-lag lasted about 4 days, but was not a bother, really. I just made sure I drank enough water and had a lie-down when I became worn out in the afternoon. By Sunday night it was all gone.

Mom is doing surprisingly well, considering she has moderate cognitive impairment, is 84, and was diagnosed with erlichthiosis 3 weeks ago….Her weeks of antibiotics are over but she still gets worn out easily. Bed rest with moments of activity and action are the prescribed medicines now. Her caregivers are here, and will be until we no longer need them. In short, my time as caregiver has passed. For three years I did what they are doing and neglected my own life. My activities were kept to meetings, school, and the occasional trip. My mental state was one of constant worry about mom and “what if something happens when I’m out of the house” type of thinking.

I no longer think like that. I can now live a freer life. So the caregivers that are here are really working for me as well. Amazing.

There is a big show at the New York Botanical Garden that I want to see before it closes–The Orchid Show. Then there are some museums to visit…Things to do, people to see…

My Fall semester is shaping up as well. I am taking a Digital Art and Design course and I have designed, with another professor, a course called ‘US-Caribbean Foreign Policy During the Cold War’. I have also been evaluated by a professional concerning the 12 credits I am asking for from my Associates Degree in Culinary Arts. She said she is going to recommend these be awarded at the advanced level. That means (I think) that if this all goes well, I will only have another 24 credits left to complete before my BA is finished!

That’s on;y three semesters…That would be very cool. It would also put me ahead of schedule for my MFA proposal.

So much going on! Yay!

Johnnyboy

Home again.

Johnnyboy