My mother is very excited about my upcoming trip to Greece.  She keeps on reminding me that “your grandmother would be so proud of you” and that she is proud of me as well.  I have been able to help her these past years and still do today.  She is in much better shape than she was last year,mostly due to the introduction of the O2.  She will do fine during my absence.

My cat, on the other hand, is not so well.  She is losing her back teeth.  She has gingivitis.  This has been addressed by the vet but their response is that although we can care for our pet’s teeth, some breeds of cat have bad teeth to begin with. Poor Sweetie Pie.  Other than that she is the sweetheart with a temper that she has always been.

Off to Greece in 5 days!

Johnnyboy

Johnnyboy

Just try to get removed from one of them, then you’ll see how insidious they really are.

Two weeks and I’ll be in Greece, I hope.

Johnnyboy

PS–I was able to remove myself from the Site of Satan.  Finally.  It was like looking for a needle in a haystack…I found it, not through the site, but via a Google search.   Makes me think they do not want us to leave…

My carry-on bag is my large Domke camera bag and that will hold two digital cameras (Canon 50D, Canon G11) and my film camera (Voigtlander R4M Bessa).  It will also have two lenses for the 50D, a 35mm and a 50mm.  In one of the side pouches all the assorted cables I will need as well as the plug adaptors.  SD cards, Flash cards, an external hard drive for files, lens cleaning supplies, passports, tickets, reservation vouchers, notebook, pens…the usual travel goods.

My great friend Jeanne Joy has sent me more contact info for AA folks on Paros as well as the number for her dentist when he lived there.  I will have a good list of numbers before I leave.  I am very excited to be going and to have this fantastic experience  in not only travel, but interaction with other students.  I am eager to begin.

In regards to beginnings and endings, I have ended my brief intimate relationship with a lovely woman.  She is taking it pretty hard, but I have to be pragmatic about life these days.  I have many priorities in my life that trump our being with each other.  I also found that at two years sober, her emotional needs were vastly different than my own.  In some ways, her sobriety is very much about the destination and mine is more the journey.  She had expectations that did not match my hopes.  Even though I feel that my decision was right, the breakup left me with a heavy heart.  I suppose it is a type of grief.  We will both live.  In the old days I would have tried to make it work and the pain would have been even worse after two years of disaster.  I feel that we gave our two months a decent try however.  What can I say…It just wasn’t working for me.

Johnnyboy

She wants marriage and children, I do not.  We have been honest about that.  She is 35 and two years sober, I am 45 and 7.  We have vastly different emotional needs.  I am happy on the journey, she has a destination and more expectations than I do.  Will this work?  I don’t know.  Does she define my life?  Certainly not, but sometimes I think that she has a real co-dependent streak that feels a bit too clingy.  We are discussing these things, albeit slowly.

I have some odd dreams in the past two nights.  I had a drunk dream in which I found out I had a strange, non-threatening cancer and decided to drink 5-start Barbados rum as a result.  I did not feel bad about it, but I was relieved when I woke up and found both events to be a figment of my imagination.  In the second dream I was walking along a semi-deserted street at night and came across an old friend named Colette, who was hooking.  She was also buying a bag of drugs.  I hugged her and she told me she was sick.  I said “That’s OK” and took care of her.  Strange dreams…

Johnnyboy

I am off to Greece in 36 days.  I ran through a test-pack of my carry-on camera/shoulder bag and it’s not too heavy, plus everything is well distributed.  I am bringing two film rangefinders (my Voigtlander R4M and the old Canon QL17 GIII) and my small Canon Digital Rebel XT with a 28-135mm lens and a 50mm.  The school said that it is not necessary to bring a digital camera, but if you are comfortable with a specific one, to do that.  The other option is that I bring the Beast (Canon 50D) and its lenses.  That would increase my weight considerably, so I am leaving the Beast behind.

Mom is doing very well, but is nervous about my leaving.  I am nervous as well.  I am moving into a new realm of travel and having to turn a lot over to HP while I am gone.  It is good practice for me since I should be doing that every day anyway.

My significant relationship is going well, as far as I can tell.  I like it the way it is, but I am unsure about her.  I think she wants marriage and children and that is not in the cards for me.  Today I will ask her about these things.  It is better to know than to try to be a mind-reader.

More will be revealed!

Johnnyboy

If the river don’t rise I’ll be in Greece in 44 days.

Mom is doing well as are my personal relationships.  My AA work is solid and I am now the HMB Area 48, District 17 Secretary.  You all can look that up in your AA folders and find out more if you wish.

Winter is almost gone.  I can feel it.

Johnnyboy

I am taking two bags with me, as usual.  My backpack, with most of my clothes, incidentals, toilet kit, etc…and my large Domke camera bag, which will hold two cameras (film and digital), three lenses, battery chargers, batteries, paperwork for travel, and a few odds-and-ends.  The film I will buy in Greece.  I can stash it in the over-head bin.  It’s not huge, but bigger than the Timbuk2 messenger bag which I will also bring– stowed in my backpack.  It is still the best “walking around” bag I have found.

I am having issues these days regarding home care, it seems.  All the women are doing great, but I am having a tough time.  Mom has aged a great deal since last spring, and even though her mind is better and the O2 has improved her life, I want to make sure that she is in the best hands when I leave.  So I am over-micromanaging and hovering.  This is not good behavior, I know, but I cannot help it.  One of the women, at least, bugs the crap out of me and, although she and mom get along and she is a gentle, kind soul, she can’t figure out that this is a job and she needs to treat it like one.  This is not an experiment in social living or communal dynamics.  It’s our home, I’m her employer, and if she can’t deal with it, she’s gone.

I am dating lovely woman from California who is also in recovery.  We are very relaxed, there is little or no baggage, and it is fun.  That’s all you get to hear about her.  She is not blog fodder.

When I return from Greece I will have to write three short papers and submit them to my school so I can get credit for the three courses I will take in Greece.  This is a humiliating and backwards process and reminds me that I am happy that perhaps I can say ‘goodbye’ to SUNY Empire State College this summer.  Although it has improved my life, the bureaucratic bean-counters deserve little or no thanks for sitting on their rapidly widening asses and pushing virtual paperwork.  Once I receive my diploma, then I will write a letter to the ESC president and complain.

Drama, drama…

Johnnyboy

I think it’s time for a staff meeting and see if I can’t address these issues.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Johnnyboy

This is an old movie and thank God does not actually play very often in the theater of the mind.  It can be distressing, but it does remind me of what could happen if I make the choice to go back out and try drinking again–jails, institutions and death.  Not today.

Johnnyboy