The gay and lesbian meetings were superb.  While some panel groups had 250 to 300 people in the room, the LGBT discussions were held in larger ballrooms that held, with standing room only, 1000 people, and they were packed.  Mind-blowing to say the least.  There was a lot of  discussion around Tradition 3, which was formed because a gay man wanted to be part of AA in the 1940s.  So it is because of this situation that all AAs can be a part of if they say so, not the group.

One of the closing speakers on Sunday in the Alamo Dome also remarked that when she got out of prison at the ripe age of 21 and went to her first outside meeting no one wanted to know why she went there or what she had done.  They were just happy to see her there.  Would it be that some groups around here acted like that.  Too many AAs in this neck of the woods are too concerned with the business of others.  Curiosity doesn’t explain it or apologize for the nosiness of these folks.  They can all meet at their own meetings, which they do, at noon in the village-by-the-lake, and gossip as much as they wish.  Me?  I’ll stay away from them and stick with the winners.

Johnnyboy

Johnnyboy

I am through with weddings.  I just don’t have it in me.   Too many drunk people and I don’t like the vibe.  I do have one commitment in the fall, but that will be a small and sober affair and I owe it to the bride to do the shoot.  She will do the post-production.

The Lesbian and Gay AA meeting is really nice.  I feel very safe there and even though there are quite a few folks who are not queer, it is obviously a safe place for them too.  Plus, it’s on a saturday night and it’s over by 7PM.  This means I can go to the speaker meeting up the road that needs support.

Mom’s doing well and I am really excited about the convention…WooHooo!

Johnnyboy

It is interesting that having come out ten years ago to my family and friends, two years before I got sober, that I am kind of doing it again, but not really, and without the drama.  Thank the gods.  Drama I do not need.

I also have actual work coming up this weekend.  I am the second camera at a wedding in the state next door, working for a friend who has the contract.  Fun, fun.  Plus I get paid.

Although not with out its pains and foibles, my time at school over the past three months has left me stronger and more focused.  I am finishing school and hope to graduate in September.  I am looking into post-grad programs around here and in Europe, since I hold dual citizenry there.  So far the US schools do not thrill me. the European schools do, however.

I’ll write more later, but I have to scoot off to a 9AM 11th Step meeting down the road from me, here in Somewheresville.

It’s good to be back…

Johnnyboy

My mother is very excited about my upcoming trip to Greece.  She keeps on reminding me that “your grandmother would be so proud of you” and that she is proud of me as well.  I have been able to help her these past years and still do today.  She is in much better shape than she was last year,mostly due to the introduction of the O2.  She will do fine during my absence.

My cat, on the other hand, is not so well.  She is losing her back teeth.  She has gingivitis.  This has been addressed by the vet but their response is that although we can care for our pet’s teeth, some breeds of cat have bad teeth to begin with. Poor Sweetie Pie.  Other than that she is the sweetheart with a temper that she has always been.

Off to Greece in 5 days!

Johnnyboy

Johnnyboy

Just try to get removed from one of them, then you’ll see how insidious they really are.

Two weeks and I’ll be in Greece, I hope.

Johnnyboy

PS–I was able to remove myself from the Site of Satan.  Finally.  It was like looking for a needle in a haystack…I found it, not through the site, but via a Google search.   Makes me think they do not want us to leave…

My carry-on bag is my large Domke camera bag and that will hold two digital cameras (Canon 50D, Canon G11) and my film camera (Voigtlander R4M Bessa).  It will also have two lenses for the 50D, a 35mm and a 50mm.  In one of the side pouches all the assorted cables I will need as well as the plug adaptors.  SD cards, Flash cards, an external hard drive for files, lens cleaning supplies, passports, tickets, reservation vouchers, notebook, pens…the usual travel goods.

My great friend Jeanne Joy has sent me more contact info for AA folks on Paros as well as the number for her dentist when he lived there.  I will have a good list of numbers before I leave.  I am very excited to be going and to have this fantastic experience  in not only travel, but interaction with other students.  I am eager to begin.

In regards to beginnings and endings, I have ended my brief intimate relationship with a lovely woman.  She is taking it pretty hard, but I have to be pragmatic about life these days.  I have many priorities in my life that trump our being with each other.  I also found that at two years sober, her emotional needs were vastly different than my own.  In some ways, her sobriety is very much about the destination and mine is more the journey.  She had expectations that did not match my hopes.  Even though I feel that my decision was right, the breakup left me with a heavy heart.  I suppose it is a type of grief.  We will both live.  In the old days I would have tried to make it work and the pain would have been even worse after two years of disaster.  I feel that we gave our two months a decent try however.  What can I say…It just wasn’t working for me.

Johnnyboy

She wants marriage and children, I do not.  We have been honest about that.  She is 35 and two years sober, I am 45 and 7.  We have vastly different emotional needs.  I am happy on the journey, she has a destination and more expectations than I do.  Will this work?  I don’t know.  Does she define my life?  Certainly not, but sometimes I think that she has a real co-dependent streak that feels a bit too clingy.  We are discussing these things, albeit slowly.

I have some odd dreams in the past two nights.  I had a drunk dream in which I found out I had a strange, non-threatening cancer and decided to drink 5-start Barbados rum as a result.  I did not feel bad about it, but I was relieved when I woke up and found both events to be a figment of my imagination.  In the second dream I was walking along a semi-deserted street at night and came across an old friend named Colette, who was hooking.  She was also buying a bag of drugs.  I hugged her and she told me she was sick.  I said “That’s OK” and took care of her.  Strange dreams…

Johnnyboy