I’ll make this posting somewhat orderly, because I need to read some American History, as well as some other work today. If I can give myself 4-5 hours of reading I’ll be in good shape for tomorrow, when I can do the same. On Saturday I’ll go through the reading again and take notes on what I’ve highlighted and emphasised, and rest on Sunday. That’s the plan, anyway.
I woke up early this morning so I could take my car over to the garage for a servicing. the usual oil, fluids, etc…When I came downstairs at 7AM, my mother was up, and had been since 4. When she saw me she yawned and mentioned how sleepy she was. I would be too, I said if I had been awake since 4. So she followed me over to the garage and drove me home. I have about an hour before the vehicle is ready.
It has occurred to me recently how old and fragile my mother is becoming. She is almost child-like in some ways. This is manifested in her truculence, stubbornness, and inability to ask for help. When she becomes tired she refuses to nap, or even admit that she is tired. The smallest of tasks wears her out. She also becomes very cranky. This is distressing to me, particularly because there is nothing that I can do about it. She refuses any alternative therapies (exercise, vitamins, napping, etc…) and continues on her plow-ahead-mentality fueled by memory loss, denial, and scotch.
On that note, I had a ‘drug dream’ last night, which are rarer than ‘drunk dreams’ for me. Suffice it to say that I used some ecstasy with some “friends” and had a thoroughly miserable time. There was so much crappy self-esteem issues revolving around the using that I woke up feeling really shitty and prickly about myself and the world around me. The upshot is that my patience level needs to be accentuated to deal with those around me, especially the elderly. This means more hugs than usual and perhaps even forced lightheartedness–anything to avoid a sharp tongue.
The chocolate milk? That was part of the dream. It’s too bizarrely stupid to explain. Make up your own scenario…
Johnnyboy
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