relief and anger….

My relief is due to a favorable prognosis from my doctor. He is 80% sure that the mole on my back is benign, and even if it is some sort of malignancy, it is so small that it would be sure to be cleared up with a little snip and a shave. All good.

Now the anger…I am angry at myself. My mother just came home from excersize, which is great. As she got out of the car, she opened the back hatch. I thought that she had gone to the grocery store and needed help with the bags, so I called from the porch with that question. “You bet!” was her reply. So I walked down the lawn and then noticed that she had a gallon of JohnnyWalker in her hand. I immediately knew that what she had bought was her case of scotch. I should have turned on my heels right then and said, “No, you can carry those bottles yourself.” Instead, I walked down to the car, gathered the remaining 5 gallon jugs in their box and walked up to the house. I set them rather unceremoniously on the table and quickly changed the subject.

It’s not like I’m going to drink, but I feel as if I have been duped or something. By doing what I did, I did not help her with anything. Instead I enabled her drinking and removed yet more responsibility from her. At least that’s what it feels like.

I called my sponsor and told his voicemail, and now I’m telling anyone who reads this. I should make some other calls as well.

Thanks for listening…


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Johnnyboy is a queer recovering alcoholic. For the moment he is also the primary caregiver for his mother, who suffers from age-related cognitive impairment. She is happy as a lark and is surrounded by a crew of sober women which gives him the freedom he needs to get out of town. When he is not at home in Somewheresville, he is searching out the proper path to travel for happiness and joy. He is a photographer who believes in the digital age, but feels that film is still where its at. He has a darkroom and works in it. He is single and is in remarkably great physical condition for all the damage he has submitted his body to. His cardiologist is very happy. Johnnyboy is over the age of 35.

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