With the upsetting news of a friend’s riding accident, leaving her in a coma, comes the realization of how precious and special life truly is. She is not dead and I pray to the powers that be to heal her and her family in this dark time. It is strange how spring is blooming outside and yet violent change is all around me. I am trying to be present in this moment and to savor all of the colors, smells, and sounds that I can, never knowing when the lights will be turned out and I, too, may be engulfed in darkness. As one of my favorite games says, “The end is never written”, and perhaps that is the secret to life: that the end is never really the end, but rather a beginning into a new phase of life. Because of a simple twist of fate we tumble down the rabbit-hole into a new realm of consciousness, in this case one of selfawareness, and view how needed we all truly are. We are all necessary in the great scheme of things and we all play our part, even if it only to pray for strength.
I feel cold, and ineffectual. I want to turn the clock back and set things right, but who’s to say if this isn’t the only “right” that there is? As my sponsor says, “Everything is exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.” Perhaps he is correct, but that is cold comfort to the family left in limbo, not knowing the direction to turn. This is why at these times we turn towrds the only direction we know. We turn towards God, or Allah, or our Higher Power, and ask for help.
Last year in Croatia I was a witness to a horrible and fatal car accident. I was on a bus with many other travellers, and one man about my age told us all to pray. When I asked him why or whom he prayed for he answered, “I pray for those left behind, and for myself, that I might find peace in my own heart at the confusion and chaos all around me.”
So I ask for this help today, as I do everyday, for each day is new, and unique, although I may not be. I ask to be relieved of the confusion and chaos in my heart and to be able to live a life that is happy, joyous, and free. I know that Kathleen would say the same. She is not one to lay down and give up, and I believe that she won’t do that now.
Johnnyboy