Month: December 2006

After a thoroughly humbling and exhilarating 4-year anniversary in AA, I came home watched two episodes of ‘Buffy’ with a heavy heart. It seems that my role as sometime caregiver to my aging mother is beginning to take its toll. I told all the folks at the meeting that I would be reaching out to other support groups for help, and I will.

It only took about 20 minutes on-line to fine the info that I need. I now have contact numbers, and a partial list of scheduled meetings all within 30 minutes of home. I will make some of them part of my week.

I need help.

I need to know that I am not alone.

I need to cry and speak to someone who really understands how frustrated, angry, and terrified I have become.

If there is one thing I have learned in AA it is to ask for help.

Thank HP for keeping me sober today.

Johnnyboy

Christmas was wonderful and quiet, and the gifts I received cannot be compared to the gifts I already have. To be a part of my family’s life today and to be trusted with the sometime care of my mother is the greatest of all the gifts I have. There is a downside to all this, however. As a previous professional doormat, I can fall back easily on the floor and allow those about me to tread not so gracefully over my life. I don’t blame them, because I honestly don’t believe that they are aware of the roughness of their boots, but the fact remains that feel set upon by the world and need to reestablish some boundaries. I have been neglecting my schoolwork, so I jumped back into that, but not before I straightened out my office, folded clean clothes in the basket, paid some bills that had been eyeing me from my desk, and got a jump on some reading. So I have been able to have a productive day so far. I wanted to have my hair cut, but my barber is closed until tomorrow. So that will wait.

We will be welcoming two new additions into our house tomorrow, and Sweetie Pie will not be pleased, but she will have to deal. My friend Lisa is moving to the far western part of the state and unfortunately needs to divest herself of some pets. She will be taking her dogs, who have been with her for many years, but she recently adopted 4 kittens from a barn litter and needs to give them away. I am taking two. they are only 12 weeks old, so I hope they will be both big enough to keep SP from becoming too jealous, and small enough to perhaps stir some kind of maternal instinct. Either way, the two babies have been great playmates and the house is big enough so I think everyone will establish their own spaces…

Tonight I go to my home group meeting for my 4th Anniversary. I am pretty nervous and am happy that this only happens once a year. If it happened more than that I’d have to run away screaming. Still, much to be grateful, thankful, and deserving of. From what I can gather, there will be a whole passel of folks coming…I’ll try not to think about it.

Almost done with ‘Buffy’–thank God–this last season is a trifle thin.

Johnnyboy