Month: May 2007

Actually I love the way she makes me feel. Her name is H. (for anonymity) and she lives in Finland. Yes, the distance is great, but that only makes the heart grow fonder. It also gives me an actual reason to move in the direction of relocation. As an EU citizen I could do this. I imagine summers in Finland and winters somewhere with more sun. She is darling, smart, and reads my mind. I can’t say enough about her.

The Croatian Convention was a great success for me. I learned many things about my own character assets and defects while overcoming terrible temptations to drink due to emotions over my cousin’s death. I discovered that I can feel love and not be afraid and want to run away at the concept of commitment. I can learn to laugh at those who live in a divided and sycophantic AA community and understand that because they are sicker than most, they deserve even more love.
All of this is truly a gift—the promises coming true as I sit here. Fear will no longer be something to fear, but rather a concept to examine and put in its place.

Wow. And to think I still have one more convention to go to and another three weeks of travel after that. Blessed? Let me count the ways…

1,2,3,4,5,….Ha!

Johnnyboy

I have been performing more service than I have ever experienced. Organizing an international AA convention is hard and rewarding work. I suggest you all try it.

Yesterday I found out that my cousin had died. He was an alcoholic who never found any kind of sobriety or peace in life. His death was bloody, painful, and tragic. Blissfully his final hours were spent in a soporific coma before his family removed life-support. The details are not important except to remember that massive organ failure awaits me as well if I choose the dark path again. I am angry, sad, and grateful all in one breath. When I heard the news I wanted to drink, but instead spoke to another alcoholic instead. I was better and back on the beam.

My reality here in Croatia is much different. I am surrounded by recovery, the sun is hot, the convention is super, and I still have 5 weeks of travel left until I return to the USA.

More later….

Johnnyboy