Month: December 2007

I spoke tonight at a nearby treatment center. Cornerstone is a pretty hardcore place. It is pretty much the last hope for many people. Most of the residents are African-American, right off the streets. Old, young, male, female–they are all there. It must be a culture shock to be suddenly transplanted in the middle of Dutchess county with no street noise or lights, or any other urban aspect to cling to while they sober up. In some ways it was very intimidating, but that’s good for me. It helps keep me sober by sharing my story with these folks, and in the end we are all the same, just a bunch of ex-junkies and alcoholics in recovery working on our programs and trying to live with our new sanities.

I sometimes feel out of place in facilities like these. My story doesn’t include abject poverty, multiple trips to jails and rehabs, narcotics, racial prejudice, and so forth. It does include trying to fit in and doing anything to do so, feeling empty and alone, arrogant and terrified, helpless and hopeless, and crying for help with an empty voice. These are things we all can share.

They thanked me for sharing…shook my hand. All I could say was ‘thank you’.

I left feeling grateful, sober, sane and humble.

Johnnyboy

This is my anniversary month. I cannot believe that five years have past since I finally got honest. So much has happened and I am not the man I was when I came in from the cold. School, travel, home life, friendship, fellowship, trust…All that stuff was a vague concern several years ago, yet like many of my type, I longed for it all. I have worked for it and earned it.

I read a good meditation earlier that reminded me that by coming into the Rooms, I have been allowed to live two lives. The life before sobriety was full of selfishness, pain, and darkness. This new adventure gives me the chance to alter my perceptions and move through the world without leaving a negative footprint. That’s a funny way to see it, really, since a footprint is a ‘negative’ of the bottom of my foot.

I watched ‘Evan Almighty’ the other night. Cute, but not as good as ‘Bruce…” I liked the bit, though, when God is telling Evan’s wife that he doesn’t give out things (in this case familial closeness) but rather puts humans in a position to achieve it themselves, whatever ‘it’ is…

Here’s a question…How many movies can Steve Carell make in one year?

Johnnyboy