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Month: June 2008

Really amazing…Kinda weird…

28/06/2008 Johnnyboy

Yesterday I received an email from the USA. It was from my first sponsor, Will B. He still lives near where I live and works as a counselor at Hillslope Rehab Clinic. He has been there a while, ever since I have known him actually. When I first met him he was a devout Buddhist–meditation, kundalini, the whole bit. In fact, that is what attracted me to him as a sponsor, because he was not shouting about ‘God’ and so forth.

After I went to jail he abandoned me. No letters, a couple of phone calls (in one he told me never to call him again), and that’s it. When I got out I called him several times at work and left messages, but to my recollection, he never called me back. Gone with the wind, and my conscious clear.

That has all changed.

His email to me was all about this place, Me?ugorje, and how he has been a devout practicing Roman Catholic for ‘some time now’ (it hasn’t been that long) and is going to write a book about recovery using the messages of ‘Our Lady’, (i.e. you-know-who’s mama) in a ‘5 Step’ program, with testimonies from the recovered in the back, ‘…like the Big Book’. He wants my help. What is even spookier is that he said he was here at the beginning of June for a week. I was here then too…I am very happy we did not run into each other. That would have too weird, and he would have seen it as a sign from his god.

He asked to pass his email on to others so I passed it along to my friend Janet, with no promises. She responded this morning to me, and she said we’ll talk about it…

Frankly I wish to stay as far from this as possible. I don’t want to be part of something that has already been done, as in the Oxford group. My email to Will stated this in a very gentle way, as in, and I quote myself, ‘To be honest, I had never been to Me?ugorje, and although the devotion of some of the people who visit is admirable, it’s not my kind of place. I prefer a more balanced cultural experience.’

I hope he gets the hint.

To be truthful, I find his sudden devotion an indication that he is still grasping at straws with his spirituality. It is spooky, and for some reason I have a feeling he could be one of these dangerous, proselytizing zealots. I did tell him that it would be good to have coffee when I get back. I bet it never happens.

I fully expect that in three years he will have converted to Judaism.

Johnnyboy

I, atheist…

24/06/2008 Johnnyboy

The more time I spend here, the more I am realizing that I am an atheist (not agnostic). My belief in a Higher Power has very little to do with an active god in my life, but rather a power that exists in the universe that has no consciousness or plan. Call it bio-electric, call it whatever you want, but I think it is a quantifiable substance that all life exudes, absorbs, contains, etc…When we die, this energy is released into the ether and absorbed by other life forms.

My faith consists of knowing that this energy exists and allows us to have 6th sense feelings about people and situations, thus the idea if ‘vibes’, good or bad.

We are attracted to people with similar vibes as a matter of simple magnetism, and repelled by those who do not have that.

People’s actions can change the charge of said energy, hence when I was drinking, my vibe changed and altered not only my aura (for lack of a better term) but consequently, my personality, attracting me to people and situations that I would normally find not suitable.

This feels very good to me. As if have been able to see something that was always there, but needed this dichotomy of faith and belief to truly be seen. It is also larger and more powerful than me, connecting as it does the entire universe.

Thank you, Obi-wan Kenobi…

Johnnyboy

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