Good morning, world. It’s another day this morning and it started with a drive down to the VW store to pick up my Jetta. She needed a fairly good amount of work done to her (shocks, exhaust system, wipers, new tires) and it wasn’t cheap, but it’s done and I won’t have to have those items fixed for a good while. Now I am back home for just enough time to jot these thoughts in space and then run out and go to the noon meeting in Great Barrington. From there I drive to Pittsfield and pick up my good friend J who is leaving detox today. We then drive down to Canaan and deliver him to a rehab where he will be spending at least the next 3 weeks. If I’m lucky, I’ll have time enough when I get home to have a quick nap and a snooze, and then it’s back to Great Barrington where I’ve been asked to speak tonight and share my experience, strength, and hope. Somewhere along the line I’ll eat. I promise, I won’t forget. Tomorrow I’ll have some time to decompress . I think I’ll put the finishing touches on my college essay and fill out any remaining paperwork needed for the orientation meeting next Wednesday.
I’m very excited about this college thing. There is no real fear, just some nervousness and the general feeling that I won’t measure up. ‘Measure up to what?’, I ask myself.
The yardsticks of accomplishment and success are a damning bunch. What is ‘success’, really? When will I know that I have accomplished any goal? The lines between ‘doing’ and ‘done’ are never very clear to me, and they run like ink in the rain. I tend to judge myself based on what I view as the successes of others around me, mostly my family members. This is something I have always done, and always to my detriment. The expectations I put on myself are never achievable because they are based on the successes of those that I admire and those that I wish to be.
The lesson for me today is that I can only be myself, no matter how hard I try to be like someone else. I can view others as inspiration and not the end-all and be-all of how I want to live.
The rain falls down, and I can’t stop its falling.
My garden grows because of the water.
Even the weeds grow.
They are part of my garden
And serve a purpose
Beyond what I know.
Johnnyboy
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