Author: Johnnyboy

Johnnyboy is a queer recovering alcoholic. For the moment he is also the primary caregiver for his mother, who suffers from age-related cognitive impairment. She is happy as a lark and is surrounded by a crew of sober women which gives him the freedom he needs to get out of town. When he is not at home in Somewheresville, he is searching out the proper path to travel for happiness and joy. He is a photographer who believes in the digital age, but feels that film is still where its at. He has a darkroom and works in it. He is single and is in remarkably great physical condition for all the damage he has submitted his body to. His cardiologist is very happy. Johnnyboy is over the age of 35.

So much has been happening…

Johnnyboy

And that’s about the long and short of it. Between all the great emotional ups and downs I’ve gone through in the past 2 weeks, plus school, plus family emotions, plus, plus, plus, it’s a wonder I can think at all!

I managed to finish my reading for school tomorrow. It took me a couple of days, but it’s done. I’m off to a meeting tonight, which always does me good.

Those dreams (only dreams, as Aravis reminded me…)) shook me up, but last night I slept alright, although I woke up with a headache and a stiff neck. Probably stress of some sort.

So thank you, all, for your words of wisdom, commiseration, and so forth.

Going uphill is not always a smooth journey.

I know that there were some really sage and witty offerings bouncing around in my head today, but for the life of me, I can’t find them.

Johnnyboy

Feeling strange and angry…

Johnnyboy

This week has been a washout in some respects. The upside is that I spent some time with my sister and BiL. The downside is that because of all of the changes in schedules for lunch, dinner, etc,…I have not been able to get any work done for school. So the pile that I started with on Monday has not shrunk and looms even more menacingly on my desk. I have no choice but to dive in. I get done what I can and live with it, I guess.

I hate being behind like this. I do not like to scramble, worry, or fret over what needs to be accomplished by such-and-such a date. I fear I am falling into a trap of procrastination and avoidance.

I also had some disturbing dreams last night, so that’s two nights in a row. I dreamed that I had no choice but to go back to the food business. The reason was never explained, but along with this situation came a host of bad habits, namely cocaine and alcohol. I was buying drugs from the same connections and hiding in my apartment with little bindles of powders and bottles of vodka. This was all very screwed up and I think I’m still freaked out about it. I guess I’ll go back to Step 1.

So I am angry as a result of all of this stuff going on/not happening.

Johnnyboy