Author: Johnnyboy

I had a long talk with my sponsor this morning. He feels that there are different reasons for my feeling the way I do about my homegroup. I guess I need to remember that groups change and grow, and shrink, and that this evolution is natural. I will not be firing him. He has reassured me that there is no ‘movement’ to try to change AA. I believe him, so I’ll stick with him. I told him that I felt I needed a stricter, more focused sobriety. He suggested I work on a step a week, for 12 Weeks. I agreed. So this week I work on Step 1, “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, and that our lives had become unmanageable.”. So I’ll do some reading, write out my Top 10 drinking escapades, and get back on the beam. To be honest, the 2 of us never did this, so I’m looking forward to the work.

Another good thing is that I finally joined a gym. I just spent an hour or so with a trainer who showed me the ropes, etc…We talked about routines, goals, diet, and other stuff. I’ll be going 3 days a week (M,W,F) for a few months. It’s looking good.

These are some of the things I am grateful for:
1.Going back to school
2.Getting healthy, in body and mind.
3.Recognizing that there are people who care about me.
4.Having a home, with food on the table.
5.Not being in jail.
6.Having a fascinating (for me) hobby.
7.Being available if someone needs me.
8.Understanding that I’m stubborn.
9.Working on ‘Letting Go’.
10.Being sober, without which the above statements would not be valid.

Now I have to read a boatload of Aristotle.

Johnnyboy

Just a quick tutorial. For those of you who do not know, a Sponsor in AA is a type of guide and confidant. He or she is usually someone with a few more years of sobriety than the newcomer and with a qualifiable amount of time working the steps. They show the newcomer around the AA community, taking them to meetings, introducing them to other AAs, and generally reassuring the newcomer that there is a life within AA and sobriety.

My current sponsor, M, is a great guy. He celebrated 18 years sober last month. I admire him in many ways. His spiritual program runs very deep, and he is a practicing Buddhist. He works for a large charity organization, for lack of a better term, that provides housing and services for homeless people with AIDS. He is truly an amazing guy and has helped me through some incredibly hard times in the past 3 years.

Now some quick AA background…

AA is a group of people who come together to help each other stay sober and help the still suffering alcoholic find sobriety. Some AA meetings are ‘Closed’ meetings. That means that the only people allowed to attend are those who have a problem with alcohol and seek to solve this problem. Some AA meetings are ‘Open’, and that means that anyone can attend these meetings, regardless of their addiction, if only to seek inspiration from the program of AA. At both of these meetings those that attend are asked to share about their alcoholism and their recovery from the disease. This is called the ‘singleness of purpose’. Without this guideline AA would become a free-for-all of recovery, thus diluting the primary purpose of the program, which is to carry the message to the alcoholic who still suffers. Numerous debates have been held for almost 70 years on the subject. At one time the idea was put forth that since AA worked so well for alcoholics, that it might work well for all the other problems in the world as well. This was a disaster. It turned into a chaos of egos, anxieties, and resentments. This is why so many other 12-Step programs have evolved over the years(OA,NA,SA,CA,etc…). They are all based on the AA blueprint, but address specific concerns.

My sponsor, after 18 years of sobriety, wants to turn my home group into a movement within AA that is all inclusive. He said as much at the business meeting the other day. He wants that group, in Western Massachusetts, to become the stepping stone of a new idea in AA, namely that AA is for everyone, regardless of their addiction(s).

I do not agree with him, and this is a very fundamental issue. At my stage in sobriety I need a program that sticks close to the fundamentals of AA. I need a program that not only respects the Traditions of AA, but also the vital experiences that have shaped them. I require an AA that sticks to its guns, not waffling about in search of a primary purpose. I need an AA that follows its own rules and advice.

So I’m going to fire him. Today. I’ve called and left a message explaining my feelings and have asked him to call me back. I know some people who would have just fired him via voicemail. I also know some who wouldn’t have said anything at all and just never called again. I feel that he deserves better. He is a good and smart man. He has been there for me as a sponsor and a friend. He has helped me through some dark and desperate days. So I owe him at least some fairness in this matter.

Then I’ll find a new homegroup and a new sponsor.

Johnnyboy