Author: Johnnyboy

Johnnyboy is a queer recovering alcoholic. For the moment he is also the primary caregiver for his mother, who suffers from age-related cognitive impairment. She is happy as a lark and is surrounded by a crew of sober women which gives him the freedom he needs to get out of town. When he is not at home in Somewheresville, he is searching out the proper path to travel for happiness and joy. He is a photographer who believes in the digital age, but feels that film is still where its at. He has a darkroom and works in it. He is single and is in remarkably great physical condition for all the damage he has submitted his body to. His cardiologist is very happy. Johnnyboy is over the age of 35.

Feeling crazy and not at all well…

Johnnyboy

I fooled myself into thinking that I could skip some meetings this week. I went 3 whole days without and was suffering the consequences until a few hours ago. I went to a meeting and really spilled my guts about how crazy I felt and how off-the-beam I was acting. Paranoid, self-pitying, depressed–all that crap.

I be better now, thank you.

I think I fooled myself into thinking that since I was alone, without the influence of active alcoholics in the house for a few days, that I could rest on my laurels. My goofing off almost backfired this time. I started feeling a little too willful and self-sufficient, believing that I was in control of things.

I was really scared.

I feel better. I ran into a friend at the gas station and he told me that Mercury was in retrograde and that it would be a tough time for me this week. He also felt that I should not have backed off on my attendance at meetings. He was right, but the experiment is over.

I have learned:
1. I need a meeting every day
2. I cannot take my sobriety for granted
3. I need a meeting every day.

I think I’m back in the moment, finally.

Johnnyboy

Just a quick note…

Johnnyboy

Sweetie Pie is drinking water, I just had a great talk with my sister about all kinds of things, both she and my mother arrived safely from their trip. In short, all’s well that ends well.

Except…

On TV I saw Bush speak to a bunch of employees at a Caterpillar factory in Indiana or somewhere like it. Before he began to speak, he rolled up the sleeves of his dress shirt. I don’t know why, maybe it was hot. I seem to remember that Juan Peron used that same tactic to endear himself to the workers of Argentina, as in “By rolling up my sleeves, I prove that I am not a bureaucrat. but rather a common man of the soil, ready to break an honest sweat.”

What a load of crap.

Johnnyboy