Skip to content

The Journey's the Thing…

  • #399 (no title)
  • About

Category: caregiving

A confusing journey and home for more changes…

10/07/2009 Johnnyboy

Last week my mother went to her childhood home to visit relatives.  We all knew that this would be a difficult journey for her, but it is clear that it was far more than that.  The trip down was uneventful and fun, but when she arrived she began showing signs of stress, exhaustion, and disorientation–all in the extreme.  She returned last Thursday and she was wiped out from the minute she arrived.  As a result she stayed in bed about 21 hours a day only coming out to eat.  While eating she couldn’t keep her eyes open.  On Monday, when things became worse (garbled speech, confusion, delirium, hallucinations) I took her to the hospital.

We thought the worst–a stroke, but were relieved to find nothing wrong with the CT scan.  We also thought she was dehydrated, but that was very mild and not enough to cause her symptoms.  When her O2 saturation was checked she was at 82, far lower than she should.   This was due to the progression of her CHF.  With the addition of oxygen, the numbers went up and she responded well n went back up to 95.  She came home yesterday.

The respiration people showed up right behind with a compressor for her room and several O2 tanks.  This is how it will be now.  We have turned a large corner and her life, although better, will never be the same.  It is as if we have crossed a threshold which leads to a quick decline and death.  How long that will be is up to her HP, but it will probably not be long.  I think maybe two years or so, probably less.  She is still very confused about what has happened and where she is.  There have been too many routine shifts for her to grasp and it will take a while for her to get back into any semblance of  recognition of surroundings and people.  She knows who she trusts, loves, and wants near, but for now we all have to adopt new routines.

My feelings of sadness and grief are hard to measure.  There is still a little boy inside me that wants her to wake up and be my mama again.  This, I know, will never happen.  The adult Johnnyboy has made sure that she is as comfortable and loved as she can be.  That is all I can do.  

I grab hold of the program with all my strength and remember my own powerlessness.  I turn this situation over to my HP on a minute-by-minute basis.  It gets me through these times.  As many people as I know who have traveled this road–they can only console me and let me know that they are there if I need them.  This perhaps the most private moment I have ever felt.  I know that I am not alone, but it sometimes feels so lonely.  Helpless…That’s how I feel.  There is nothing I can do about this anymore.

Johnnyboy

The semester end looms, gratefully…

04/04/2009 Johnnyboy

I have all but finished this current semester.  I have a project due for a class in dramatics which will round out the whole thing nicely.  I am directing the first scene from the Sam Shepard play ‘True West’.   I have my work assigned for the summer session during which I will write my senior capstone thesis on unification in the former Yugoslavia and be done  with that.  So far so good.

I am still waiting on the results of my CBE work for my previous career and as they have made me jump through many flaming hoops of fiery shit, I have a feeling I will get nothing for my labors.  For Christ’s sake…16 credits?  It’s not like I’m asking for a degree or anything…

I leave for the Balkans on April 27th..23 days from now I’ll be sitting in an airport waiting to fly to Vienna.  I’ll attend the AA convention in Zagreb, head to Belgrade to hang with friends for a spell, and then off to the AA convention in Greece.  This will be my fifth Greek convention and my third in Croatia.  I am hoping for nice weather.  During this time I will also be conducting interviews with Balkan locals in Serbia, Croatia and Bosnia about there lives during the Tito years.  There is nothing like field work to pump up the old thesis!

Mom is doing well and we are trying to getb her outside once in a while for some excersize now that the snow has gone away.  The current raininess doesn’t help, but there are sunny spots in our lives here in Somewheresville.

I’ll try to be more bloggish in the future, but to be honest I have another blog that is not so anonymous that I have focusing on these days. I’d show it to you but…

Johnnyboy

Posts navigation

Older posts
Newer posts

Archives

  • September 2017
  • October 2011
  • September 2011
  • August 2011
  • July 2011
  • June 2011
  • February 2011
  • January 2011
  • December 2010
  • November 2010
  • October 2010
  • September 2010
  • August 2010
  • July 2010
  • June 2010
  • February 2010
  • January 2010
  • November 2009
  • October 2009
  • September 2009
  • August 2009
  • July 2009
  • June 2009
  • May 2009
  • April 2009
  • March 2009
  • February 2009
  • January 2009
  • December 2008
  • November 2008
  • October 2008
  • September 2008
  • August 2008
  • July 2008
  • June 2008
  • May 2008
  • April 2008
  • March 2008
  • February 2008
  • January 2008
  • December 2007
  • November 2007
  • October 2007
  • August 2007
  • July 2007
  • June 2007
  • May 2007
  • April 2007
  • March 2007
  • February 2007
  • January 2007
  • December 2006
  • November 2006
  • October 2006
  • September 2006
  • August 2006
  • July 2006
  • June 2006
  • May 2006
  • April 2006
  • March 2006
  • February 2006
  • January 2006
  • December 2005
  • November 2005
  • October 2005
  • September 2005
  • August 2005
  • July 2005
  • June 2005

Meta

  • Register
  • Log in
  • Entries feed
  • Comments feed
  • WordPress.org

Meta

  • Register
  • Log in
  • Entries feed
  • Comments feed
  • WordPress.org

Posts navigation

Older posts
Newer posts
Theme: Pena Lite