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I haven’t posted in a while, so, in the absence of Aravis, who is on vacay for a week, here goes…

I began my second year in school last night with two conferences with teachers nd then my first American Sign Language class. This looks to be a real hoot, primarily because the teacher makes it fun and I have an open and curious mind. I can already sign the alphabet and communicate a few simple phrases. I am particularly intrigued at the use of the whole body as a communication device. Deaf people tend to use their body language in not-so-subtle ways to communicate. There are no deaf people in the class, but that doesn’t seem to matter.

My other ‘class’ is an independent study on Social Psychology which is going to be a rewarding challenge for me. The professor reminded me to not psychoanalyse, which is an inward process. This study concerns society, not so much the individual, except as a point of focus or attention, if that makes sense.

My third study group won’t meet until this upcoming Monday night, and it is a comparative religions course called ‘Centers and Boundaries’. I’m looking forward to that class as well. I already have sheaves of reading for all three classes.

So I will be taking that stack of homework with me when I leave very early tomorrow morning and drive to Pittsburgh to visit my father and his wife. I haven’t been to their home in quite a few years, although we saw each other last Christmas for a few days in The Big City. It will be a nice break for me, although the homework will take up some time. I’ll check out a couple of meetings and try to avoid the overly serious dad/son talk that he tries to begin. He isn’t very good at that element, so my response will be to nip it in the bud. I’m not in the mood, and I’m also too old, for that kind of behavior from him.

So, that’s it for today. It’s raining and cool, and fall is coming…For that I have mixed feelings. What summer?

Johnnyboy

I’m feeling really…edgy…as if everything I say must have a point, or that…I don’t know…as if all of my words are emphasized, like they are in italics or something.

My computer screen has a problem as well. A month ago a very thin, yellowish, vertical line appeared on the screen, running from top to bottom, showing up then disappearing intermittently, like blinking. I was pretty sure it had to do with my LCD display and not the PC specifically.

Then it went away for a few weeks.

Yesterday it came back, in the same place, same demeanor, etc…so I think I need to replace the screen, unless you folk(s) out there have any bright ideas that may save me mucho dollars and headaches. The warranty has expired, so that’s no good.

If I don’t look at it, it doesn’t bother me. It’s very thin, and actually doesn’t show up on light colored backgrounds. It doesn’t effect how the thing runs. Maybe I’ll just live with it until it drives me insane and then go have it fixed.

Why do I have the premonition that the repair will cost almost as much as a new PC?

On the family front…

My father has ceased any hope of ever visiting his grand-daughter. There seems to be no desire for any communication from my sister (her mother) and that makes me sad. I feel it is wrong for my sister to use her resentment against my father as a way to keep him away from his grand-daughter. I wonder if my niece even receives the gifts he sends her? I know that I never receive any real responses of my gift-giving, unless of course I ask about it.

The fundamental memories I have of my sister are not very positive, I’m afraid. They mostly entail screaming arguments, slamming doors, the tears of my mother, and heartache and bafflement from my father. My roll in the picture was usually to curl up in the fetal position and try not to get in the way of the hurricane. Then she left home. That’s it, really. The rest are snippets from holiday get-togethers when she would steamroll in and express love so fiercely that no one would be able to reciprocate. God save anyone ever telling her to back off, slow down, or easy does it…then she’d play the ‘hurt feelings’ card (“everyone hates me”) and pull away in a reverse of the Love Steamroller.

She has found her own life, away from the family, not wishing us to be near, really. Only mom is allowed to visit.

I sense, however, that she is curious about how we are and what we are doing. She reads this blog occasionally, I think, snooping for clues or information, instead of being naturally interested and asking questions…She’ll probably read today’s entry, and the phone will ring…this is an old story, with a typical outcome.

It makes me sad, but I am learning to accept the fact that I really only have one sister.

Johnnyboy