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I have called my sponsor several times in the past 3 weeks since my return from Ireland and so far have only been able to reach him once. We had a good chat then, but that was 2 1/2 weeks ago. My calls so far have gone unreturned, even when I asked him to call me back. I called him again this afternoon, but no response. I fear that something has happened in his life and he does not have the time or energy to call me back. Perhaps he is on vacation…I don’t know. Maybe he’ll call tomorrow? I would like to clear the air in my head about my over-zealous admiration for him and the integral nature of his recovery. He really does work a very complete and integrated program. His work outside AA and his devotion to his spiritual path are something to be emulated and I would like my own to be a copy of this, but I can only work this program to the best of my ability, as I have already stated. For now I have been fortunate to be able to speak to others about my sobriety and take their advice, but I am still feeling somewhat adrift. I certainly still consider him my sponsor. I wonder if he feels differently about our relationship? How would I know if he did?

I hope all is well with him and his family and nothing horrible has happened.

I watched “V For Vendetta” tonight and enjoyed it tremendously. The political parallels are obvious and, frankly, I’m amazed that the film was allowed to play here in the US. I guess it had a hard time at first in the UK due to its nature. I recommend seeing it, though.

That’s all. My head is somewhat spinning with the possibility that I have been fired, but that is really my own self-centeredness thinking that he is avoiding speaking to me. Something must be up at his end of the line.

Oh well…

Johnnyboy

I have decided to tell my sponsor about putting him on a pedestal and to make an amends. I feel that my character defect is unfair to him and robs him of the basic human trait of falibility, without which he would not be an inspiration and role model. His disbelief of my actions, I have decided, is none of my business. I will take suggestions, do what’s asked of me, but ultimately I can only work my program to the best of my ability, and no one else’s.

The coyotes are wailing utside my window, and I’m glad my cat is inside, otherwise she might end up in their cooking pot.

Here are three pictures of Ireland. They are pictures of the Wicklow Hills, south of Dublin, yours trull standing on one of them, and an AA meeting in Dublin, on Molesworth Street, where we crammed 20 people in a tiny room, shut the door, and esentially took an hour-long sauna during an Irish heat wave.

Johnnyboy