Category: Uncategorized

Thank you all for your sage advice in the previous sponsoring dilemma. I made some calls last night and spoke to my sponsor this morning and the upshot is this: It is not my job to enforce the rules of the house where he lives, nor to make decisions that should be made by his doctor and him. My only job is to make sure that he has access to AA meetings and is able to meet other AA members. If there are medical reasons linked to his psyche meds for his not drinking coffee, not smoking, etc…then those issues need to be addressed by his attending physician, not me. I’m not even going to get involved with his host family on any level anymore, beyond picking him up. My sponsor reminded me to even let this go until something comes up wherein it needs to be addressed.

What a relief. Once again I am reminded that I cannot save the world, and even in saving myself I need lots of help.

I’m going to read some schoolwork this morning, hit the showers around noon and then go to the movies. “Capote” has come back around to the local cinema, and, as I missed it the first time, I’ll grab a seat this time and enjoy a sober day with some popcorn. The review will follow…

Johnnyboy

My lunch with my sponsee went pretty well. I stressed how I was not going to enable his smoking anymore. He took it all in, agreed, and we had a decent time. We then went to the coffeeshop up the street and he bought me a chai. He had a large coffee with lots of milk and sugar. Of course it didn’t really cross my mind that he wasn’t allowed to have coffee because of his meds. So I have enabled him yet again.

Tonight at the meeting I spoke to his ‘host’ and she told me about his coffee drinking, his smoking, and his lying. She is very worried about him, because without the mental health program that he is currently involved with he would go to a state-run group home with constant monitoring. There he would not have caffeine, nicotine, or sugar, all chemicals that he consumes as if they were (and they are!) drugs. It is safe to say that he will always be under the watchful eye of the state in one form or another. He cannot live without it.

I am worried for myself now. It’s as if I have suddenly acquired much more than a drunk trying to stay sober. I am dealing with a drunk trying to get sober who is also schizophrenic and is on a thrice-daily cocktail of massive amounts of anti-psychotics to keep him stable. He lies and sneaks to get his coffee, sneaks around to get cigarettes, and is not trusted to stay by himself, alone, in the house where he lives. His host is worried that something may happen to him and she will get the blame. What about me? I’m the one driving him around to meetings! Am I now supposed to be his babysitter and medical orderly as well? I feel this situation spiraling out-of-control. I do not want to be involved with this anymore.

This goes against everything I have been taught in AA so far, but does it? I know that I must carry the message, not the drunk. I know that I cannot “cure” anyone. I also know that I am not even a mental health amateur, let alone an expert. I can see myself becoming so involved with this situation that it takes on legal proportions and I become stuck in the middle. I can see it ruining my life and effecting the lives of my family members.

I need some real advice and I need it now. I’ll be speaking with my sponsor tomorrow, and, I hope, with my therapist on Monday. I will also be picking the brains of other drunks and asking their advice. This sounds fucked-up, but I’m really glad he doesn’t know where I live…

Johnnyboy