This morning began with a flurry of confusion and questions, all easily solved and answered by a couple of telephone calls to the right people. Being a primary caregiver is possibly the most challenging activity I have ever engaged in. Amazing, really, to think that at one time she was the one solving all of my small confusions and easing my fears. To have the shoe on the other foot is a humbling and rewarding experience and one which I will never forget.
I have been able to find some support groups, but to be honest the network is a trifle thin. Most people really do not want to share their feelings about this subject, I think. This is just more proof that everyone needs a 12-Step program of some sort, if only to learn to open up and share how they feel.
I am very grateful that I have two loving sisters who support me in spirit and action either here at home or via long-distance communication. Sometimes all I need is a kind word of recognition and I am revived.
Next week we have another visit with the neurologist. I will be speaking frankly about her increased memory loss as well as my desire to seek support. I hope I can figure something out. Maybe I’ll start some kind of group here in Somewheresville? There has to be a ‘need’, but is there a ‘want’?
This is all new territory for me, and at times it is very difficult. These are some words that describe how I feel:
Amazing
Frightened
Frustrated
Exhilarated
Rewarded
Fulfilled
Sad
Angry
Patient
Impatient
Kind
Grateful
Humble
Essentially the whole bucket of life in one experience.
On a more banal note…after the holidays the mail has been restored to normal, which means that I now have the final two discs of ‘Buffy’ and the first two discs of ‘Angel’ in my hot little hands.
Johnnyboy
