The Journey's the Thing…

I have decided to tell my sponsor about putting him on a pedestal and to make an amends. I feel that my character defect is unfair to him and robs him of the basic human trait of falibility, without which he would not be an inspiration and role model. His disbelief of my actions, I have decided, is none of my business. I will take suggestions, do what’s asked of me, but ultimately I can only work my program to the best of my ability, and no one else’s.

The coyotes are wailing utside my window, and I’m glad my cat is inside, otherwise she might end up in their cooking pot.

Here are three pictures of Ireland. They are pictures of the Wicklow Hills, south of Dublin, yours trull standing on one of them, and an AA meeting in Dublin, on Molesworth Street, where we crammed 20 people in a tiny room, shut the door, and esentially took an hour-long sauna during an Irish heat wave.

Johnnyboy

Over the past week I have been able to put some physical distance between myself and my sponsor and reflect on the recent events in our relationship. I came to a startling conclusion, and one for which I think I owe him an amends: I have placed him on a pedestal. This is true. I have viewed this guy as such the paragon of virtue and good works that I have forgotten that he is another alcoholic in recovery just like me. I have blindly done everything that he has asked me to do not for the purpose of making myself feel better, but to please him and ultimately make him like me. This is not a good thing because it has made me take steps in directions that, after thoughtful meditation, I find I do not need to take. He has thrown the stick and like a good dog I have played “fetch”.

But something else has happened that I have only just realized. When he set the most recent task before me, and I moved forward with it to the best of my ability, he accused me of ‘spinning’ a different story to my therapist in order to weasel my way out of the chore. This is not true. I stated our (sponsor/sponsee) goal clearly and without fear, spin, or negativity, and my therapist warned me against the move. When I told my sponsor the results, he made the accusation. In short, despite my truthfulness, he didn’t believe that I had acted accordingly in the process. He thought that I had lied to him, or “stretched the truth”, if you prefer. So what do I do with a sponsor who doesn’t believe me when I tell him the truth?

Help me out here. I need some advice from you folks.

Johnnyboy