The Journey's the Thing…

Scott W. reminded me that I need to say the serenity prayer today and apply it to the uncertain weekend ahead. I have, and am doing, that. His blog also reminded me that I need to write a gratitude list, which I have not done in quite some time.

Here goes…

I am grateful today because:

I am sober;
I am physically healthy;
I have a roof over my head;
I have food to eat;
My home is warm;
I have been able to start cleaning up the wreckage of my past;
I am able to go to school and learn new things;
My family loves me;
I have 2 wonderful, crazy, sisters;
This weekend may bridge new rivers in my family’s dysfunction;
I can apologize;
I can stay out of my own way;
I can make plans and follow through with them;
I am able;
I am capable;
Someone called me adorable the other night (not a relative!);
I am able to admit when I am wrong;
Sometimes I act like an adult;
Sometimes I act like a child, but not childish;
I am willing to make changes in my life that require humility and investigation;
I show up for life and do what I need to do for myself;
I can show compassion for those in my family that may be afraid or nervous;
I am human, and make mistakes;
progress, not perfection;
I see when I become a pushy person and stop it, or make amends;
I have a sponsee;
I am changing today…

I could go on all day, and perhaps I should be grateful for that as well. There is one more item for which I am grateful, and that is that I was born. Today. 41 years ago.

I am grateful that today is my birthday.

Happy Birthday all you other February 17ers!

Johnnyboy

NOTE: If you are a family member and you are reading this, you are snooping and not minding your own business. You will learn nothing of importance by reading this, or any of my, posts.

Well, the folks start to arrive tomorrow with all of their baggage. I’m pretty nervous, but confident in my own sobriety, sanity, and serenity to not become too involved in the craziness of others. There will be talks, meals, the usual family stuff that we’ve never done, and then the dividing of my mother’s estate pre-morte. This is being carried out for tax reasons but also for sensible reasons. When that time comes, emotions will be so high as to prohibit rational discussion of who-gets-what.

To be honest, I don’t want to reaquaint myself with a sibling I haven’t seen in over 8 years. I have spoken with her maybe 20 times in that span. But, the unhealthy thing would be to continue that “relationship” based on distance. The healthy, scary, and maybe painful alternative is to change.

Change scares me. Change goes against the flow, the status quo, the way-it-has-always-been…

Progress through pain, right? Look at me, I’m shaking!

As an alcoholic, I tend to blow shit out-of-proportion. This is probably what I’m doing now. The weekend will be fine. No worries. Smiles, hugs, and cotton-fucking-candy…

Johnnyboy