The Journey's the Thing…

Despite my living in the wreckage of the future this morning, my day has turned out quite well. I went to the gym and had a great workout. The noon meeting was amazing, with so many friends celebrating their sobriety that it really got me out of myself for a spell. What I heard was reassuring , most importantly that I am not the only one to go through these moments of self-doubt and fear. That I heard this from someone with 25 years of sobriety behind him was comforting. The miracle was, that throughout the entire episode, I did not even think about drinking. This is truly amazing. What I did was open my mouth and talk to people about how I was feeling.

The longer I stay sober, the more astounded I become at this marvelous new life ahead of me. I will try to take the advice of Aravis who reminded me to not analyze things too much, relax, and have some fun. Damn if she isn’t right. I am one serious guy most of the time. I can get so wrapped up in what I think is important that I miss the whole point: to live.

So, anyway, I left the noon meeting feeling much better, went home, made an amends to those involved, and tried to get some work done on my philosophy paper. No luck. I realized that I was exhausted, so I lay down and napped for about 3 hours. I’ll finish my paper tomorrow and start on the homework for my writing class on Sunday.

I don’t have to solve all of my puzzles today.

Johnnyboy

I hate it when I suddenly feel as if my life hangs by some kind of thread. This kind of uncertainty drives me nuts and I start thinking all sorts of dark thoughts.

My theory about ‘smart sex’, is, of course, a joke. The majority of people who have a wonderful sex life do not base their coitus on intelligence. Obviously intimacy and trust are the major factors.

During writing class the other day I observed one or two facts. The first is that all 10 or so of us were there to learn something new to advance our lives. The second is, that, aside from the photography major and myself, everyone else was there for some kind of Social Science degree. Social Services, Criminal Justice, Children’s Education, etc…This must be a growing field, or at least one that appeals to folks over 30 who are going back to school. BTW, I am one of two men in the class. The other guy is there to improve his business writing skills. I think that the point I’m trying to make is that everyone seems to be so focused on their lives. I just want to learn and see what I can do with what is left of my life. My criminal record will exclude me from any decent teaching jobs (felons need not apply) so I feel like sometimes I am going to school just to kill time, to have something to do until the end…

I’ll probably update this blog later today, after I go work out and celebrate the sobriety of a friend.

Johnnyboy