I have just sent off an email to several people involved my homegroup issue over drugs and AA.
I realized, through numerous consultations and talks with others, that I needed to examine my true part in this thing and from whence it grows.
Resentment.
I came out of jail and jumped right back into my program full steam ahead. I did everything that came along the pike in terms of service and began to think that I was the only one doing anything. I know I have control issues, but this time they were right out in front. I thought that I could turn the current group of relative newcomers (of which I am one) into the old group of people with a whole lot of longterm sobriety. I would do this by forcing them to refocus on the subject and stick to the matter at hand.
I have discovered, through much pain, that this is similar to herding cats.
I take full responsibility for my vote on the Blue Card issue, and stand by it. I cannot control the reactions of others, nor the direction that the group wishes to go. I must turn this over to HP and The Force do its thing.
AA and this group were there before me, and they’ll probably be there when I’m gone. Thankfully I don’t have to drink over any of this mess.
Now…
More X-Files! I am almost finished with season 6 and have researched the whole ‘changing of the guard’ scenario on-line. I think I’ll probably watch the whole 9 seasons, just to see how Doggett and the other one work out.
Breathe
Johnnyboy
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