I just received a call from my father. I’m going to meet him and his wife in The Big City on December 20th and stay the night. It will be great to see him, and talk about all kinds of things. I truly love the guy and respect him for a great many reasons. He tried the best to be a father to me and my siblings, and, although there are arguments to this fact, everything he did was for us. Like I say, there are arguments: calls of ‘desertion’ and other misdemeanors are not my problem anymore. I used to listen to those voices, too. They told me I was better than him, that I was special, that I could judge others, that I had that power. These were very arrogant and prideful feelings that led down a path of pain and isolation from my father. True, he left our extremely rural life to live in a more connected and vibrant world, where he could be in the thick of his art and work. True, he only showed up on holidays and assumed the role, a role I believe he found increasingly uncomfortable. But the great thing is that I overcame my angers towards my father. It’s not a matter of letting-bygones-be-bygones, because even though I have forgiven him for his humanity, I have also recognized where I have strayed, done wrong, and hurt him. This is what adults do on a daily basis, I believe: take responsibility for their own actions and not point fingers at others to justify their own anger and fear.
Today my father is a very well respected and learned writer, who, even if he has sacrificed much in the realm of family, has not sarificed his integrity as a human being and an artist. My relationship with him is one of love and friendship, despite the sometimes rocky path. So this holiday season I am happy to visit with him as a friend, a son, and a man.
College is still going amazingly well. I am making straight ‘A’s in my research paper class and I am well ahead of the game in my philosophy studies. In terms of homework, though, the semesters end draws near and my work has increased slightly. I have 2 small papers due for the writing class by November 30th and my final paper due for philosophy by the middle of December. Like I said, I am ahead of the game in philosophy. I am going to try not to rest on my laurels, however, and start my this weekend. With the holiday next week and the family getting together, my time will be occupied by another, more gustatorial, agenda. I also signed up for classes next semester and have increased my workload somewhat. I will be taking 12 credits instead of 8, which makes me a full-time student. I’ll be continuing my private philosophy tutorial with my faculty mentor as well as his seminar on Indian Cultures of Middle America. My third class will be Cultural Diversity through Literature. This sounds very interesting, having to do with the new writings by ‘new’ Americans, i.e. Amer-Asian, Amer-Indian, Amer-Middle Eastern, etc…So, lots of reading, writing, and trips north to school. My schedule will shift again, but I am fluid in my thinking and life these days, so I can do it.
My AA meetings will also shift. I know the old phrase of ‘keeping the program first’ and I am still recognizing this necessity. My school schedule will change, and so will my meeting schedule to insure my requisite 6 meetings a week. All will be well. I am learning how to bend with the wind a little.
And before you know it, May will have arrived and I’ll be on my way to Greece for a month of traveling, exploration, a jamming AA convention on the Peloponnese, and then back home. I’m hoping to work my school schedule so I can still take classes and be on the road. I’ll mail in my homework via email from my laptop and be back for the remaining 2 months of summer semester. It all sounds good on paper, but I’ll wait and see. Plenty of time to do these things. I still have the first semester to get through!
Johnnyboy
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