The Journey's the Thing…

Strange things are a-happenin’….This month marks my 4th AA anniversary. I’m pretty humbled by the whole experience, actually, for a few reasons.

The first, I think, is that, besides my home group, no one has been announcing my anniversary. I have ended up announcing it myself, which I find very embarrassing and un-humble. So I have stopped doing that. I’d rather have the resentment and not worry about my 4th anniversary coming and going. Besides, it’s the ‘4th’, not the 5th, or some other hoop-dee-doo occasion. Yes, I know, I am venturing towards the pity pot a smidgen, but still…

The other humbling aspect is how much I have accomplished this year because of the help and support of AA and all the people in it. I have come a long way in the past 365 days and I could not have walked that many miles without a shoulder or two to lean on in the interim.

The third facet is that yesterday was my official sobriety date–December 15th–the day I finally became honest about my sobriety with my sponsor-at-the-time, Mike K. My physical date was sometime back in October, but that’s old history. So as of today I move into my 5th year, one day at a time, with the help of my HP an the people in AA. Funny, I threw my I Ching last night and it told me that I must sacrifice something I cherished in order to dedicate it to a higher purpose and by submission I will find my place in life and recognize my fate. Success follows this action. I think what I really cherish is my solitude. perhaps I must give that up in some way.

Pretty scary stuff for me.

On less important subjects—

I have begun Season 6 of ‘Buffy’, so I think that my goal of finishing all 7 seasons before New Years Eve might pan out. Also, I have the final 8 episodes of ’24–Season 5′ in my hot little hands, so I’ll wrap that up this weekend.

I am going to treat myself to a new winter coat today–not that the weather seems top warrant it…yet…

Johnnyboy

Last Saturday night an AA friend asked me what it was that I looked for in a woman, i.e. potential partner, lover, friend. This is a sticky question for me, because I certainly wouldn’t want to categorize someone or pigeonhole them in any way. I also am of the belief that we humans do not find love, rather it finds us. So, to twist her question around, it may be easier to discuss what it is that I find enjoyable and wish to share with another. That makes more sense to me.

So—I love museums–all kinds. I can spend hours and hours wandering around in the smallest of local historical society headquarters with the same verve I apply to the Metropolitan Museum of Art or the Zagreb Museum of Technology.

I love to travel. Trains, taxis, planes, boats, walking, etc…I was born on the road, and I think it has formed me at the genetic level. It’s not the coming home that appeals to me, but rather the view out the window as the plane lands, or the train arrives in the station that sets my mind. There is also a logistical aspect to the whole affair that I love: all the planning, orientation, maps, maps, maps…

Food is good. By that I mean that enjoy all kinds, from off-the-street vendors to white-linen-gloved-waiters. What I do jot enjoy, and try my hardest to avoid, is an establishment which tries to be something it is not. This is a recipe for failure. Honest food is real…Don’t screw around with the ingredients.

Solitude. I need my space. By that I mean that the potential partner and I must agree that we each need our own private areas, whether for mediation, office work, or whatever. This is not a defense mechanism designed to keep anyone out, but rather a cure for the doldrums borne of too-close-quarters. In other words, I would rather have separate offices, or even dwellings, than fall into the trap of over-familiarity.

Acceptance. Besides being the solution to all of my problems, I feel it is necessary to accept my lover/partner/friend/coochie-coo as who she is, warts and all. In my mind, a dangerous and checkered past is just that–the past, and has no real bearing on the current life. In fact, it may add many unique facets to the person with whom I share my toothbrush. To this end, I feel that the Recovery Pool might be my best bet for a mate, because they need to accept some things about me, too, and where else will I find such amazing people!

So that’s it. That’s me in a nutshell. And, like all narcissists, I crave myself as my best buddy.

‘Buffy’ is moving along. I am in the middle of season 5 and also watching season 5 of ’24’ as well.

Gotta go. People want my money.

Johnnyboy